Limbo over, now separated but in lockdown (part 3)

[Pommy99]

Things not going well. Foolishly I let him come over for dinner on Sunday (2 days ago). The kids wanted him over, he wanted to be here. He cooked, he cleaned up, he enjoyed his garden and the wildlife, he drunk wine with me, he left. He texted me to thank me for dinner and a lovely evening.

For some reason I went into meltdown. I felt used, that we were just a convenient stop-gap until he could get back to his other life post-lockdown, that dinner with us was better than dinner alone. Next morning I send him a cold text asking not to come over anymore, that we felt used, that I’d bring the rest of his stuff to his house later that day. That neither of us could move on while we were in constant contact. He said he understood.

I have felt terrible ever since. My D16 says it was the right thing to do. That he’d never miss us if he keeps coming round. Today I cried buckets and felt the lowest I have ever felt. I txt H and told him I felt low. He was supportive, like a good friend might be. I saw him when he dropped the kids off and cried some more. I feel like I am really failing at DBing. I’ve had to re-read the ‘you will not die” sticky, because that is how bad I feel today.