Also after reading the last few pages of your last thread- don't validate him when he's being disrespectful and abusive. Only validate when he's being reasonable, and expressing his emotions/ concerns/ worries about whatever is going on in his life. He is very fast to attack you and I think you said you turn "mousy" in response. This is a typical abuser/ victim relationship. The abuser attacks and lashes out, the victim cowers hoping to appease him and sooth his outburst, thus rewarding his abusive behavior. Please, please, please stop being a victim! You deserve so much more. I think in your case maybe you should just cut ALL validating for a while. No validation is better than misplaced validation, and I don't think you have the discernment yet on when to validate. When in doubt, don't.
Yes, honestly he hasn't opened up about anything AT ALL. The only thing he did mention was that he had to put breaks on his truck for $700... it went by so fast I didn't validate like I wanted too.
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I think I posted this to one of your threads before but you need to learn the "gray rock" technique. Here's a quick blurb from the 'net:
"One strategy for dealing with a narcissist or sociopath is to act like a “gray rock,” meaning that you become uninteresting and unresponsive. Using the Gray Rock method, your objective is to make someone lose interest in you. You don't feed their needs for drama or attention."
An energy vampire (like I suspect your husband is) feeds on ANY energy whether positive or negative. Gray rock is a great way to diffuse the negative interactions. Be businesslike to the point of boring in all discussions with him. He lashes out, you give him deadpan responses. He continues then state you will not be treated that way and he needs to settle down or you will hang up. He keeps it up you hang up. He calls back you don't answer.
So I'm emotionless, business like... boring. But am I not supposed to be smiling, positive and upbeat so he sees I'm a woman only a fool would leave?
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I really hope you start taking some of this advice to heart. You are stuck in a repeating pattern with him (Michele's "cheeseless tunnels"). I know this is hard but start following our advice and I think you will notice a difference in your interactions with him very soon.
Difference in interactions with him very soon? In what way?
He will be here this weekend to get his stuff. He thinks all of it but its going to be too much to do in one sitting.
There will be no reason to have contact at all. The texts and phone calls will stop. He may get a lawyer and escalate to D as he has threatened... or it may ride out as Legal S. I don't know. I have no idea what he is thinking.
Difference in interactions --- like he will warm up to me? He is very checked out.
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Also please listen to Job regarding using your lawyer as a shield. Your H keeps calling/ texting about the accounts and how you need to give him access. EVERY inquiry like this should get the same response- "that's strictly a legal issue, have your L contact my L about that."
I do need to buckle down. I know. I'm afraid he will threaten to drop off me off his health care which I really need right now. As soon as D goes through me and my S18 will not have health care.
I wish I knew how to turn this around. Does he really want to go through another D?
