Look at the recent breach as an opportunity to re-center your truth of what is happening in your situation.
I got fed up with my situation finally. It took my STBXW continually repeating some awful things to me over a period of several months, controlling our situation, distancing me from our children, until I finally gathered the strength to stand up for myself as a person of high value. Had she not overstepped so far, repeatedly, I might have allowed her to perpetuate a really terrible situation. As it was, I sought legal advice, I gathered strength from friends, family, my IC, and here, and I consciously made a shift in how I perceived my situation. It seems like scout went through a similar change of mindset. When it happens, it feels truly liberating and incredible. I still feel twinges of pain and guilt, but this is not 100% my fault and I did my best to own my part. That doesn't mean I don't still struggle with my emotions, in particular anxiety, but I am no longer prisoner to my hopes.
DB can be dangerous if you are not honest with yourself about your hopes for R. In my case, once we agreed to D and I dropped the R hope rope, I shifted my attention over to the hope of co-parenting amicably. Again, I was hoping SHE would want something that I wanted. This is just holding onto the rope in a new way. Now I stopped, and I stand up for myself more frequently.
Scout's advice is fantastic. Especially putting agreements in writing. This is a business relationship.
