MrBrsde, for many years I was complacent smoking pot with a few buddies at home. My W would go out and I would stay home while my D slept. At first, I thought, this is perfect. I stay home with the boys, my W goes out to the bar with her girlfriends. But then this past year I noticed she was getting dressed up, doing her makeup, and taking a long time getting ready. Now I know why. I said this to her over and over, who was she getting dolled up for? This would lead to fights and she would claim I was controlling her. I never tried to control her, I just would ask why, or why don't you hang at home tonight and we watch a movie? But now I know I was too late. My complacencies provided the space between us to grow so another man could come between us. Let me be clear, SHE had the affair and I'm not to blame for that. But I contributed to a failing marriage. But I don't believe the marriage was dead, it was going the wrong way. But it will never excuse what she did. Never.
I also know I was complacent in my relationship. I blame pot for a lot of this. So I stopped on BD. At first it was because of the anxiety I was now having. So then I joined a gym and would exercise a lot. Admittedly, it was to look better to get my W back. However, that quickly changed. I realized I liked how I was feeling after exercising. I knew pot made me lazy so I stuck with not going back to it. Exercising cut the anxiety and made me feel productive. It's more difficult now not being able to go to the gym but I still run on the treadmill 3-4 days a week.
Since then I have lost 20 lbs (a lot from not eating at the beginning). But I've made heartier choices for myself. Sure, I want to look good for someone else, including my W. But the reason I'm doing it is for me. It has become part of my routine.
My W was always the one working out but now she has gained wait since BD. I would never say it, but she has. Roles have reversed in some ways. My guess is she is very stressed. I think she is upset with how I have lost weight. Her mother, friends, everyone point it out. When I comes up around my W she makes sarcastic comments about how Ive lost weight and she wishes she could.
