This is a great opportunity to practice putting yourself first!
Think about what YOU want and what YOU are comfortable with. I'm going to take a stab at guessing that your emotions are still very close to the surface and you might struggle to keep them under wraps during any conversations. Therefore, I'd advise against a chat in person right now. Don't worry about appeasing him OR upsetting him. His emotions and reactions are his own problem to handle.
It's okay to respond "I'm not ready to discuss it with you at this point in time. If you would like to share your thoughts on co-parenting, you're welcome to send me an email. It would be a step towards having an agreement in writing which I'd like to implement following the divorce." Don't validate him saying he feels sh1tty - that's a guilt trip so you'll do some emotional labour for him. Don't agree that you have negative feelings - that's giving him access to your inner sanctum and he doesn't deserve it. Don't explain why you're changing your approach - show him with actions.
Be prepared for an unpleasant response. He may try and guilt you into it. He may question your dedication to parenting. He may throw a pity party about how hard he's trying. IT'S OKAY! Let us help you handle it. It feels wrong at first. It takes practice to draw and enforce boundaries. IT'S OKAY! You aren't being mean or cold. You are allowed to make decisions for yourself that do not serve him. He still expects your consideration and you are NOT obligated to give it.
You will feel powerful when you stand up for yourself. Try it and let us know how it goes.
