I don't see anything horrible here. I understand why you wanted to pursue a bit. It usually doesn't work but your sitch is different and you haven't been seeing her or communicating much. It doesn't appear to have worked in your sitch either but I wouldn't say it's a "kick in the nuts" either and I can speak from experience.
When a woman turns down your advance the best thing to do is roll on to the next one like it didn't bother you at all and that is why I say it's no kick in the nuts. Your happiness is set either way, or at least that should be your mindset. I think you have this mindset within you. That said, you love your W and you are making progress as an individual that will help you in your next R, so I understand why you are hanging on for the time being. I think that is the right thing to do and I endured something similar. Nothing of value comes easily. Whether or not the biggest takeaway will be reconciliation with your W or something else we don't know, but you will learn a lot from this experience.
I wish you the best of luck, I've always been drawn to your sitch. BTW, did you get your startup going again? I know a lot of guys licking their chops with the SBA EIDL and PPP funds out there right now. My business hasn't seen much effect yet from this virus.
I did actually, I ended up raising $4.5mm in VC right before the virus stopped everything. I'm hiring like crazy - super advantageous, given all of the companies that are spinning down talent - and certainly getting the business up and running is taking up a lot of my mindshare.
What's so crazy about all of this is that I know I've got so much to offer, but going through the S has just completely destroyed my self-esteem. The opposites of feeling like my professional life is going so well and that many people think so highly of me in that arena and how bad I feel about my personal life is as stark as it gets.
