I appreciate the questions. I do not have undeniable proof. I had what might amount to circumstantial evidence re: If you already believe an A is happening, these things confirm the suspicion. Some question marks and unclear things but nothing undeniable. Mind you, this is after gaining access (sporadically) to emails, transactions, location history, etc. Every little purchase I thought seemed strange has either turned out to just be normal stuff or be exactly what my W has told me. W is not tech illiterate, but she's nowhere near good enough to hide literally everything.
I am definitely prone to imagine it at this time. We are physically separated living in different apartments. She had a fairly 1-sided EA years back (We attended counseling, she went through necessary steps, ended it the way we agreed upon). Over the last 6-7 months or so, W's behavior has shifted to look more like a WW than a WAW. And, it's hard for me to understand how someone would leave a M with a baby without having something better they thought they were going to. Also, as much as this forum has been a blessing, I think sometimes I read others' stories and start to worry that's "what's really going on" in my M or it's something that "could happen."
All that said, yes my suspicions can become unhelpful. In the anxious state I've been in (actually coming out of it for about the last week), any little thing that could be taken as another "sign" was seen that way. One of my major suspicious pieces of "evidence" was proven to be nothing (confirmed myself not by my wife). I started to realize I take a bad situation and pour gasoline on the fire with constant suspicion and overreaction. I am now resolved to take more of a "trust but verify" approach. I won't stick my head in the sand and ignore reality, but neither I nor my W can continue down the path of constant suspicion.
Around this same time, I finally started to acknowledge what a hellish pursuit-withdrawal cycle my W and I have been caught in. Suspicion was just another form of pursuit by me. And the whole pursuit had become about me, not about my W or our M. I am relearning how to be in R with my W. I am finding that as I drop the pursuit she stops withdrawing. Don't know where it will end up, but the 3 of us just had the best weekend we've had in ages, all together. No pursuit, nothing serious. It was just relaxed and fun, the way it should have always been.
