MLC newbie

[Believe6]

B6- just wanted to say that for the first 4 months I too had an awful time in the mornings and I analyzed the p**p out of it. All I could come up with was that overnight we refresh, we regroup we prepare ourselves to start a new fresh day. In our situations we wake up and are faced with another full day of our reality. Like Groundhog Day as much as we want things with our H to be different it is not, so our “new day” is another day of just coping to get by. I flipped the tables on my awful mornings by getting out for an awesome walk while listening to something empowering. Maybe it’s a Fav meditation, or just sounds of nature but something that is enjoyable and grounding to you. I also did “sights and sound” exercises where I would go on a walk and really take the time to take everything in in a different way than before. I’d hear a bird and try to find it, I’d look at a tree and really look at its leaves or texture of its trunk...really feel the wind. It sounds silly but it allows for you time, stops the mind from racing, gets you out of H’s space and most of all it grounds you. You have a great attitude and are doing well ...just detach more as others always remind us. Enjoy your day!

Kindly, Thank you for this recommendation. I will have to consider how to incorporate something like this. I realized that today I was having a panic attack. I haven't had them like this in a while. I starting shaking and unable to stop my jaw from shaking. I took herbs for anxiety and now I think that long with breathing is helping. Prayers sometimes don't really help all that much. Maybe because I am clinging to the visions in my head that aren't positive.

But I will try to work on getting out of my head in the morning. Even just getting up and getting out of the bed that we still share but we are clinging to the edges like we are afraid to touch. Everything now seems so fraught with tension. Even when we are trying to be courteous and stay out of each other's way.

Thank you for the reminder that my mind is listening. I do have to be much more aware of the thoughts I allow to linger in my mind. The more I allow myself to ask disempowering questions, the more I find these panic attacks or anxiety attacks come up. It's very hard. I have been into self help and psychology since I was in high school and you would think I would be better at this, but alas...

How could he not remember we promised to never do this to each other...

Mind reading.

The sad fact is that he probably does remember his promise and vows. He just can’t face them. His is driven to find justifications to abandon his own promises. They bury their loving emotions, unable to sort through so many unearthed past feelings. They are consumed by their own unreconciled past. They live in the past and hopefully grow up from there and then.

For us, and our crawling skin, our reactions are from inside us. The very questions you are asking about H - not remembering his promises to never do this - you are asking yourself.

How can I let go? I promised to never let go. To never just abandon him. For better or worse. All that stuff.

Drop the rope or be dragged. (((Hugs)))

Compassionate indifference.

You are so correct, you must save yourself first. We find our way, to let go, get through the withdrawal, to grieve.

We all need a certain amount of understanding and acceptance - to let go. Your healing and growth is not breaking your promises. In fact, in the growth of compassion and acceptance we find our “word”, our sincerity, more rock solid than ever.

Instead, I begin to pray for God to change me. To make me into who I need to be.

I like that.

God does answer all prayers.

You change you. Free will and all that. God does place challenges to help us become who we need to be. He never puts more on your plate than you can handle. We are stronger than we first realize. Have faith and let God.

DnJ

Drop the rope. Stop clinging so I can swim....everything now is about letting go and accepting what is. Loving what is right at this minute and not having any responsibility for anyone else but me. What am I thinking? How is that affecting how I am being or treating others?

So much work to do always. It's exhausting in the midst of this crisis. Even the world crisis.

I am grateful to all of you who continue to come and post. Thank you for your encouragement. I feel less alone.