Peace and joy continue to beckon

[DnJ]

Hello Grace

It was nice to read your update. Things are taking a positive turn, and you remain grounded and well established. Good for you.

I do understand your feelings, or lack of feelings, to not be posting for a while. We all take a break once in a while.

I am starting to have small feelings of betrayal for posting about H's revelations on this journey. But, I will do so now, but having thoughts about stopping that part of my journaling. Is it fear he will read it? Would he see it as a betrayal? I would not want anything to jeopardize his sharing with me, the leap of faith and trust he is taking knowing his fears as I do. It is all anonymous, but still.....

Feelings and thoughts of betrayal are interesting. Relationships are built upon trust. You are creating a new relationship with H, therefore are concerned about how he sees and trusts you.

Those are two very good questions. Are you afraid of him reading this stuff? Would it be viewed as a betrayal?

Rationally, you know the chances are small that he would find this place or even put it together. Still...

For what it’s worth, I think your fear isn’t him reading about this, it is that you did it and don’t want to cover it up. This place has been a large part of your life, and helped you along your path. (wow, just look at me projecting upon you. Lol.)

Those years, I suspect, you would like to share with him at some future time. The fear you dread, is the possible negative reaction from H. Fear of losing H, and his fledgling trust of you.

Until now, your sharing has been for, and about you. To rationalize: There is nothing you need to be fearful of. Stand proud of the grace and strengthen you’ve displayed while walking in the light. Fear not, you are a wonderful person and I believe you will continue the very fine path you have traversed so far.

Do you think you’d would want to share your experiences with him at some distance future? I suspect so. I know I want to with XW, and I am a lot further away from any possible reconciliation or relationship/friendship than you are with H.

What he is currently sharing with you; his leap of faith and trust. Yes, I think you need to adhere to, and keep the confident he is placing in you.

In that regard, what you shared is perfect. Anonymous, with details, and yet no identifications. That doesn’t break confidence. There is no betrayal. It is still for you, your understanding, and path.

This forum has many wise posters and leverages such groupthink wisdom. If my XW ever comes around, I will post about it, and look to here for sage advice.

I’m a proponent of not making decisions based upon feelings. They have value and input, without doubt. And they will change, without doubt.

Do not reinforce your (fearful?) feelings that you’ll betray H in some way by sharing here. Your feelings are good and valid, and telling you something. See the confidence placed in you. Rationalize your fear and response. Remain anonymous, not absent.

I'm glad he seems to be having an awakening, and committed to healing. But, I feel sad over all the lost years we could have had a wonderful connection.

But, I continue to believe that:

Life is good.

Yes, life is good.

It is time for the lighthouse to shine, and continue being the beacon she is.

Strong. Fearless. Bright.

With a good old helping of compassion mixed in.

DnJ