MLC newbie

[DnJ]

Good Morning B6

You have received some really sage advice. I like your IRL friend’s words, very wise.

In the mornings is when my mind goes back to the why questions... why did he do this? Why didn't he value the relationship like I did? How could he not remember we promised to never do this to each other like his dad did to his mom? And it starts my heart racing, my skin crawling and I can feel myself wanting to engage

Oh, I do remember those weird sensation - like your skin crawling. I couldn’t handle long sleeves, oh my goodness my breathing would get all amped up, my arms felt weird, my skin needed to be uncovered. You’re all fine. Perfectly normal. Time will heal.

Those why questions are persistent aren’t they? We all need a certain amount of understanding before we can let go. We also need a certain amount of acceptance, emotional understanding, before we can let go.

Why didn't doesn’t he value the relationship like I did?

Careful with your wording, your mind is listening.

Pretty sure he did value the relationship. You were married 21 years and together 25. Do not rewrite history.

You cannot read his mind. Stay more to his actions. He appears to not currently value the relationship. And yes, he is not the same guy you knew/know. He is confused and emotionally driven. “Why” he does things, even he doesn’t know. It just feels right-ish.

How could he not remember we promised to never do this to each other...

Mind reading.

The sad fact is that he probably does remember his promise and vows. He just can’t face them. His is driven to find justifications to abandon his own promises. They bury their loving emotions, unable to sort through so many unearthed past feelings. They are consumed by their own unreconciled past. They live in the past and hopefully grow up from there and then.

For us, and our crawling skin, our reactions are from inside us. The very questions you are asking about H - not remembering his promises to never do this - you are asking yourself.

How can I let go? I promised to never let go. To never just abandon him. For better or worse. All that stuff.

Drop the rope or be dragged. (((Hugs)))

Compassionate indifference.

You are so correct, you must save yourself first. We find our way, to let go, get through the withdrawal, to grieve.

We all need a certain amount of understanding and acceptance - to let go. Your healing and growth is not breaking your promises. In fact, in the growth of compassion and acceptance we find our “word”, our sincerity, more rock solid than ever.

Instead, I begin to pray for God to change me. To make me into who I need to be.

I like that.

God does answer all prayers.

You change you. Free will and all that. God does place challenges to help us become who we need to be. He never puts more on your plate than you can handle. We are stronger than we first realize. Have faith and let God.

DnJ