Hi Hope -- I just spent some time reading your thread, and I feel so much for you. A lot of the back and forth that you are going through with your H is very similar to mine. Mine dropped a mini bomb in January, and then decided to physically separate 3 weeks ago. What he said during that physical separation was very definite, and very cold. Since then, there have been I love you's, I miss you's, and I don't want a divorce, but he also recently said that he was very sad and that even though he didn't want a divorce, he was not still to the point where he wasn't "100% sure" that's where it might end up. He often conveys an attitude that no matter what he feels that divorce/no reconciliation is inevitable, and it's extremely frustrating when the other things come with it. I started getting the I love you's/miss you's when I pulled away and started to detach, but the mixed messages tend to well all of those feelings right back up, and make me want to (or sometimes do) break DBing. It's so hard.
I don't think your situation is a lost cause. I've read a lot of situations out there on this board, and I do think some spouses are more prone to swings back and forth on whether they really want a divorce more than others. Coming from someone who's in the middle of mixed messages and occasionally on the receiving end of hurtful statements, I have so much sympathy for you, and I share how you feel about the difficulty of detaching in the face of it.
Unchien is right...we all struggle with this. I'm thinking of you.
Last edited by Beth1112; 04/04/2003:59 PM.
I'm 40, H is 36. No kids. No infidelity of which I'm aware. Mini BD January 2020 -- not sure if he wants to try anymore BD March 2020 -- separation
