Husband Living a Double Life

[MoGirl]

It's been a little over a month since I found out about the OW. I still feel sick, depressed, and anxious. I've had 2 sessions with IC. I didn't like the first and it took a few weeks to find another one. I really liked my first session with the new one and have another appt scheduled for Monday.

I've read DB, all the homework assignments on Cadet's welcome thread, yet I'm still struggling. I fluctuate between depression and anger. I feel so lonely and isolated. I made my husband my life. We did everything together. I have a few people I consider friends, but not close enough to share what I'm going through. I'm so embarrassed and humiliated. I feel like a piece of trash he discarded. He's so deep in his fantasy world right now that he doesn't realize how he has hurt our D. The OW is younger than D. Does this R with OW even stand a chance? The age difference is ridiculous. I've read all of their texts and they are so juvenile. Their texts are all about how much they love each other and of course SEX. Nothing significant or meaningful. I just don't understand how this could have happened. WTH is he thinking. I don't know if this is a MLC or if he is just a disgusting, selfish pig. If i had not found the evidence, how long would he have continued to string me along? He was pretending to work on our R, and was communicating with her all along. She lives in another country and they see each other every 6 months. When will this R play out?

Besides going to work, I spend my day in bed. I don't know how to GAL. I'm so alone. Sometimes I want to go to sleep and never wake up because I'm tired of living in pain. I hate this feeling of rejection. I keep asking myself "why am I not good enough"? Why am I not worth fighting for? He doesn't love me. I have to accept this, but it's just so hard. I've loved him since I was 23. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I'm scared. Scared of being alone, and scared I will never find companionship again. I want someone to love me.

If we are to believe nothing they say and only 50% of their actions, how do I know if it's true when he says ILYBNILWY? Is he too deep in the affair fog/ lust that he doesn't know what he's feeling. According to his texts with OW, he is a new man. He's been searching for a love like this since his TEENS? WTH? He's 45 years old. Why is he referring to his teens? SMH. I just don't understand what is going on with him. What happened to the person I thought he was??