Hello my sweet May, You don't know how much I wish I could sit down and have glass of wine and hash out this weird phase in our lives with you via video of course lol. This limbo but not quite limbo thing is soooo beyond annoying with this whole being trapped together. I find myself having questions about the AP that we haven't really hashed out. Honestly it's more about their past, the times they tried this before and it failed because I just really need to understand the fantasy better, because it still doesn't make sense. He's flat out said I'm better in bed at this point and I'm so confused because given that on paper I'm better in every other aspect too. But I know isn't the time. He's gotta open up and say this is what he wants before I'm willing to open that door. And even then being stuck I just don't want to push when we can't escape each other.Same with sex. Before we got locked in I was like ok if I'm just a roommate you want to have sex with it let's do this. I'm the one with the high drive. Let's see if you can keep up. But then this.....and I'm feeling like I'm not so sure about banging my "roommate" who's still kind of in love with someone else when I have no where to go to get away. But I see these girls bonding with their dad again. And regaining trust and and faith in him. Him taking interest in who they are and what they are into right now again. The man they used to know and I just bite my tongue. And seeing them with him makes it so much easier. I take the physical touch when I can have it. And the bed partner when I can have it. And my friend when I can have it and just remain grateful that if nothing else these girls will have their dad back even if I don't ever get my husband back. He was pretty clear today that he's not planning on looking at places any time in the near future. And for as much as we're preached at for not accepting crumbs it's all I have. We are a working family unit. We are working as roommates, as friends, as friends with benefits and maybe this will be our road to recovery. Maybe it's just the last of days. Either way we're starting the next chapter sweetly and in a much better place than we were 2 months ago. All I have in this right now is the little bits of gratitude. I hope you can focus on that too. As hard as it is. And I know how d@mn hard it is. So many hugs May.
