Whats New Today?

[CanBird]

~J~ I've missed days & mixed up my day count. Days of the week seem irrelavent, except for trash pick uo & water delivery.

We're okay. Just okay. I'm feeling depressed. I think D3 is goig through her own thing at times. I know 00 is too. I'm sure those with am mlc spouse at home can relate that being in lockdown is NOT easy. I want this pandemic to be over so we can truly move forward.

Yesterday I got overwhelmed with parent duties. I cried out for help, to 00. He's there! Why can't I talk to this other human in my house about my struggles? "Everyone is going through something." I cried to him that parenting can be a struggle, and he's here & I need to talk to other adult. And why not one in the house? I get our arrangement isn't ideal, but geez... if someone you once loved is struggling to cope, do you really just do nothing? After bringing up my struggle (not in those exact words), he wanted to help. Did't ask me what I needed, but let me know he'd help with D3 so I could refocus. I just needed to go outside. And we all did. He worked on getting us assistance with financial struggles, and I was on the sidelines GAL with D3, after I got my head on. Then I went shopping, as we needed it. He did dinner & night time routine with her. I did my own thing. And later he did his. No longer sneaking out at night, but just going outside late at night as if it was normal/okay/not caring. I DON'T CARE. But I do. He listens to podcasts & watches the news in there. But it hurts knowing he has been talking to her too. 99.9% sure.

So yes, 00 is still in contact with ow/xgf. 99.9% sure. (she's in EU) Being apart must make their struggle to be together even stronger, right? ... BARF.. Does she know we're NOT divorced? If so, I'msure he said something clever and NOT what he told me (.."it's like it never hapened"). (I search the county court system. Nothing filed).

IF there was a chance 00 had a change of heart, I'd be willing to work through things. What was once can be better a new? Crazy? Who knows.

Okay friends. Help me get back on track.