CW, what negative impact did it have on you and fireman? They found out and it stopped your chances of reconciliation?
With firemann, if I recall correctly, upon his initial dating she "discovered" an extra car in his driveway and used it as a wedge against reconciliation and as something to highlight to the kids as a reason for D. I believe she'd already had a secret EA, but I think neither he nor the kids knew it at the time.
With my g/f, upon reconciliation, it was a wedge. She cried, felt jealous, always imagining me as hers alone. When she says "I've only done X with you", I have to say "You're the first person I've done X with." Certain places and activities are "tainted". That's not to say it was wrong. I'm undecided. I learned some problems were mine that I'd attributed to ex's. My IC points out all the ways it led me back to my ex.
