Well the virus canceled all of our mediation sessions. It feels to me like little progress is being made. My guys trip and her girls trip was canceled. We put separation on pause because of the virus. Still sleeping in the same bed. I’m still working on empathy. My IC is canceled for now. Basically everything is paused.
I did find some books on the enneagram which i found to be very interesting. I’m a 3w4 and she is a 9w1. That gave me a lot of perspective on myself and on her and things that have happened in our relationship. I feel like The Road Between Is should be in the list of recommended books around here.
That book and others on the enneagram really helped me see how different here and I are as I think often I saw us as very similar in the past. It also gave a lot of perspective to what we are going through as I read about unhealthy 9w1’s and how they create a false idyllic reality- very interesting. Still makes me think that separation is the only chance for her to see the light if she sees it at all.
Lots of positives are still occurring. Like yesterday I was on the porch having a beer and she came out to sit with me and enjoy some sunshine and talk. But no physical affection at all. We still sleep in the same bed.
My stress level is probably at a 6-7 consistently but I’m getting by, barely. I’m fortunate to own my own business which allows me to drift mentally at work without consequence.
I’m trying to stay focused on patience. It’s hard. I figure I’ll continue to work on myself, try to enjoy what I have for now, keep the faith, and see what happens as this virus works itself out.
I just hope I can maintain my patience without pushing or pursuing. That is tough for me.
