You know my H doesn't have a lot to hang onto now. He was always better with bills than me. I was responsible for utilities and I paid late most of time,not proud but true. He is a stickler for paying bills on time. C says there is always a spender and a saver, no big deal. Since he left I have been concentrating on paying ontime but he got hold of a traffic ticket with penalties and went ballistic about how I haven't changed. I guess he 4got I have paid everything else on time for 6 mos. Sorry to hijack! Nitaf
Nitaf...don't get me started on H and HIS spending habits...my H is out of control and has never been in control of money. He has never paid anything early in his life. Before we were married, the "bills" were the last on his list to pay! Now I pay them and request the cashola back as I pay bills first.
If you use money to find happiness, you have to spend and spend and spend. My H just doesn't get that happiness comes from within. He is now intent on buying a $30,000+ bass boat!! A few weeks ago, he thought we should buy a new house.
Sunday he was complaining about how in debt he was and a few minutes later he's on the phone ordering some items from Cabela with a CC!!!
Financial security is important to me, it's one of my LL's I guess. And this is a huge issue with H as we have no financial security unless you count the equity in our house. My H's reason for not saving now is that his pension is going to be more than he makes now, but he doesn't realize he has to pay off his CC's first and LIVE to enjoy his retirement. His health isn't the best or should I say he doesn't take care of his health, the alcohol is going to catch up at some point.\
I think his issues are projected onto me a lot of time..and I'm not biting.
Sorry for venting, but I was thinking about this just last night and that this might be another one of my "must haves" in a M
Ladies!! Let's all agree that when our H's were standing in line for parts, they all got the spender part!! Yes, there usually is a spender and a saver.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
The positives first and this is big, to me anyway. H has been reading my bible. I’ve noticed it in different locations then where I’d left it a few times, nothing major but noticeable to me. Of course, I always think it was me.
I had a great time at my little shower. The woman who is getting married after being with her fiancé for 25 years, she was 36 and he was 28 when they first met at Studio 54 in the 70’s, she is an amazing lady and we l-a-u-g-h-e-d till we cried.
I cut out early as I was going to meet H and S to do some shopping, had a coupon to save some big bucks so we went and bought H some new jeans and S a new pair of shoes. H took S biking while I was my party. Met up with them at the store, H said S did great but H didn’t know if he could go again, his knee is shot. I could tell they had a good time and H asked me why I hadn't taken S yet? I think H was just excited that he took S first.
So we had a good time at one point H said let’s go I have things to do. Came home and H hustled S right into the shower and then put S to bed.
H went to get dressed and said he had to leave! I said why? H said I have to. I said why--and I talk about H sounding like a broken record. H said I have to. I said are you coming back tonight and H said probably not. I asked again and H said I have to leave “because OW’s wacko,” he was in a big hurry. He’s said you’re both playing games and the devil’s in me or something like that. I said what? H said that’s what your bible says. I said have you been reading it, and he said yeah a little bit!
H said see I’m still going back and forth, I want this to end I don’t care who I end up with, you or OW I just want it to end.
I said “H I want you here, but you have to do what you have to do” or something like that. H said no you don’t. I sleep in the basement we have sex and that’s about it. I said I don’t agree, but left it at that.
At one point I told H that OW needed him more than we do. I don’t know if this was a smart thing to say, but I did. If she’s that bad, who knows what she’s going to do, I mean that H was in that much of hurry to get out of here. I have the Lord, OW has H. I think I've got the better deal.
I’m calm and peaceful right now. I’m not anxious, I think I’m okay, I keep taking my “temperature” and the panic and fear haven’t set in. It’s such a great feeling. I’ll stay up for awhile and pray for H and OW and then go to sleep. That will be the test for me.
This is H's mess, I feel detached right now. I feel good for myself, I think I'm going to be okay. That I feel this way tonight is big to me, I probably have lots more to learn, tests, etc. But I think I'm learning how to turn to the L for comfort and guidance.
What has happened to me? I’m okay with H running out of here, I’m okay with it and it's an amazing feeling.
This might be a positive, that H told me he was going there, that he didn't just go to work and then was a noshow that night. Is it?
Help to guide him that he is now reading the Bible. He does not have to run to her every time she is falling apart. In order for him to break this cycle, he has to put a stop to it.
In some way, you must let him know that satan is using this other woman to continue his war that is going on inside of him. Some how, that he is now reading the Bible, explain marriage to him and that adultery is killing him spiritually.
That if he leaves to be with the OW, that it will fall apart because of it being adultery. That in order for him to get past what he is going through, he is going to have to put an end to that relationship. Not the one with you.
Remember, adultery causes spiritual death. That is the reason for all that he is feeling inside. He is not responsible for what she is going through. Satan is responsible for what she is going through and that is what she needs from him and you is prayer for the binds of satan to be broken that are around her.
She does not need your husband, she needs the Lord. You need to make him understand this. The Lord is getting him into the word and your husband is searching. Now you are the one that needs to lead him with the Lord. He is not completely understanding everything that he is reading and satan is going to twist the word on him because he sees what is happening. As you should be seeing the same thing.
I think that it is awesome that he is reading your Bible. This is in answer to your prayer. Now you need to help him to understand what he is reading by praying that the Lord will open his eyes. Together with the Lord, you and your husband have the power to win this battle, but separate you don't.
If you have a Concordance in your Bible, look up marriage, and look up adultery. Read what the Lord has to say about both of them. Understand the Spiritual side of them and not just the natural side of them. Understand the Spiritual Consequences that your husband will suffer if he continues down this road.
It is not okay for him to keep running to her because of her insecurities. Satan is using her to keep your husband in turmoil and your husband needs so much prayer. Your husband is a good man in spite of his actions. The Lord created him and loves him as much as he loves you.
Your husband is screaming so loud for someone to love him enough to pull him out of this turmoil. As I know that you can not pull him out, but you can guide him. He is screaming for answers and is willing to take death of his soul just to get out of it.
He is screaming for someone to love him enough to help him. Do you understand what I am saying? This isn't the man that is screaming as loud as it is his soul. He wants to feel the love that only Jesus can give him. He wants a reason as to why he should leave this OW and stay with you or why he should leave you and stay with the OW.
This OW does not love your husband in the same manner that you do. Her love is out of desperation to take her pain from her and your love is pure and you love him because you chose to, not because you have to. That is what he needs to understand. That your marriage is not just about sex. That you want him in your life because you choose to have him in your life and you choose to love him. That you unconditionally love him and he needs to hear those words from you.
What he is hearing from this OW is that she needs him and will do whatever she has to in order to keep him. What is she going to do with him once she has him? Is she going to find him to be so desirable once he walks away from his family and she no longer has to fight for him? Is he going to be everything that she thinks he is? I highly doubt it. That relationship will not last because of the way that it happened between the two of them. It is destined for destruction and what will that do to your husband?
There is such an urgency in my spirit about this for your husband. Read the scriptures on marriage and adultery. Teach your husband about the unconditional love that Jesus has for him. Teach him about the salvation and help to end his turmoil by leading him to the only person that can help him and that is the Lord. You will never be able to give him what it is that he is looking for any more then that OW will be able to. The love that he is looking for, only the Lord has for him. All the demons that keep trying to control him will no longer be able to stay once he receives the Lord. Then you guys can build a solid marriage on the Lord.
As always; AWESOME post Laurie! I truely love your posts. Ever think of being a minister?!
I feel such peace in reading anything you post, you have the Lords gift of helping others!
Cathy~
You rock, girl! What power and peace! And I almost feel over when you said your H was reading the bible! Truely amazing. I think he saw the effect it has had on you and would like to be like you!
Laurie is awesome and she has a special connection to the Lord. So many things she's post are right on, it's amazing.
H has this secret side of him that is rarely seen, this vulnerable, little boy side of him that he keeps well hidden. I know it's there and deep down it doesn't really surprise me that he was reading it. H is a big talker and as we all know his words and actions do not match. Wife #2 turend to the L also, but I don't know that she turned to Him for the right reasons as she took and off and left while H was at work.
OW is going through what I went through and if I can make it through OW can, too. H is seeing it first hand with OW, but when I was going through it H never saw my pain, oh he saw some of it, but wouldn't acknowledge it or feel anything for ME as I was the cause of his unhappiness. Is this what the bible means when it says "you reap what you sow" or how "what goes around comes around."
I know my H can't save OW. If he thinks he can then what he will be doing is selling his soul to the devil and die a slow earthly death.
Quote: That is what he needs to understand. That your marriage is not just about sex. That you want him in your life because you choose to have him in your life and you choose to love him. That you unconditionally love him and he needs to hear those words from you.
I called H on my way into work this morning, he wouldn't answer his cell. I left the above message for him, in my own words..wasn't a very smooth flowing message, but I think he can figure it out, H is not stupid.
Quote: What he is hearing from this OW is that she needs him and will do whatever she has to in order to keep him. What is she going to do with him once she has him? Is she going to find him to be so desirable once he walks away from his family and she no longer has to fight for him? Is he going to be everything that she thinks he is? I highly doubt it. That relationship will not last because of the way that it happened between the two of them. It is destined for destruction and what will that do to your husband?
I know this Laurie, I know this will happen. It's very clear to me. I could compare it to the boat my H just bought. It took him weeks to find this boat, he went to look at numerous boats, spent time on the internet, checking the paper everyday, driving around to different marinas.and when he found this one it was exactly what he was looking for at the price he can afford right now. H was the first one there to look at and was able to purchase it before anyone else. The day he picked it up and parked it in the garage he came into the house and said "even though I have that boat I'm still not happy" So now he's a new mission, to find a more expensive bass boat. The chase was more fun, the excitement so I know once OW has him, she won't be happy, she'll be W#2 all over again.
Quote: He is screaming for someone to love him enough to help him. Do you understand what I am saying? This isn't the man that is screaming as loud as it is his soul. He wants to feel the love that only Jesus can give him. He wants a reason as to why he should leave this OW and stay with you or why he should leave you and stay with the OW.
Do I understand, maybe, yes, no...what I don't understand is what I can do to make him see. Am I to supply the reason? Or is this something he has find on his own? Or am I to show him the way, like I found the way? I've been showing him unconditional love. Last night I didn't get upset, I didn't beg him..I just let him go. I mean how crazy is that.
