Thank you Job, I feel like things are suddenly flaring up again with both being stuck in the house. He is clearly becoming agitated again and I’m starting to see behaviour again back to month 3-4. Running behaviour, excessive exercise and drinking again, mini L bomb drops... One funny thing is how much more time he is devoting to his family...pre BD it was me always pushing/suggesting that he take a break from work. I know every MLCr is different, but it sounds like most distance themselves from family? I wonder why he’s not..esp since they are on the surface close but not deeply close if that makes sense. I was so preoccupied thinking about what I was going to say if he confronted me about the patio furniture or his packing of stuff that I got slightly blind-sided tonight and def could have handled it better than I did. I’m still really working on validating and not letting my “common sense” and slight disdain for his behaviour interfere with my reaction...I think I said to much. I think that is my problem I’m always still “reacting” instead of being a passive passenger. Here’s the bulk of the convo: H said “we need to talk about everything” Me: sure about what? H: the house and what we are going to do with it? M: I know my lawyer has contacted yours, and last we spoke you wanted to do everything through the L H: no I didn’t. M: you did and I have the emails but regardless what would you like to know? H: what we are doing with the house? I’m not waiting a year to sell it. M: I don’t know. I don’t think we can do anything right now in this current global situation and I also think we need to complete the FD first ... H: mine is done M: does my lawyer have it? H: I think so...but they can’t tell us what to do about the house M: no but I would think the FD is the first step before any of the house decisions can be made so let my L know once your L has all of your papers together
In a nut shell....he deems he can’t move out (buy) until he gets the money out of our house. He has to complete a FULL business disclosure which I know for a fact will take months and hasn’t been done. His rush to run is not my emergency. I did my best to deflect and put things back onto the L’s and him really. He can go rent as far as I’m concerned. I don’t know how I could have said less and I could feel the “tone” in my voice. How do I dig deeper and not engage in this nonsense when he try’s to bait me. Most the time i find that “I’m sorry you feel that way” doesn’t apply...do I just need to say “I don’t know” more?
Also Job, I am astonished at the time and advice people share on this forum and how helpful and accurate it all is. I can’t thank you all enough this has truly been a guiding light in such a dark time. I think I’m starting to focus a little too much on the sitting quiet and answers will come. Sorry to sound so silly and literal but sometimes I feel like I don’t even know what answers I’m looking for. Is it as simple as - I used to blame myself a lot more but now I know this was not my doing? Or I still sometimes think “what am I going to do without this man I love”...but know do realize this currently is not the man I love(d). I keep asking myself what is his “childhood drama or trauma” and I can’t come up with anything that would have thrown him into this....I feel like there’s homework I’m not doing or questions I’m missing that would give me further clarity. Sorry for the long post - him kicking me in the knees again got the mind swirling. Thanks for being here. (((Hugs)))
