The positives first and this is big, to me anyway. H has been reading my bible. I’ve noticed it in different locations then where I’d left it a few times, nothing major but noticeable to me. Of course, I always think it was me.
I had a great time at my little shower. The woman who is getting married after being with her fiancé for 25 years, she was 36 and he was 28 when they first met at Studio 54 in the 70’s, she is an amazing lady and we l-a-u-g-h-e-d till we cried.
I cut out early as I was going to meet H and S to do some shopping, had a coupon to save some big bucks so we went and bought H some new jeans and S a new pair of shoes. H took S biking while I was my party. Met up with them at the store, H said S did great but H didn’t know if he could go again, his knee is shot. I could tell they had a good time and H asked me why I hadn't taken S yet? I think H was just excited that he took S first.
So we had a good time at one point H said let’s go I have things to do. Came home and H hustled S right into the shower and then put S to bed.
H went to get dressed and said he had to leave! I said why? H said I have to. I said why--and I talk about H sounding like a broken record. H said I have to. I said are you coming back tonight and H said probably not. I asked again and H said I have to leave “because OW’s wacko,” he was in a big hurry. He’s said you’re both playing games and the devil’s in me or something like that. I said what? H said that’s what your bible says. I said have you been reading it, and he said yeah a little bit!
H said see I’m still going back and forth, I want this to end I don’t care who I end up with, you or OW I just want it to end.
I said “H I want you here, but you have to do what you have to do” or something like that. H said no you don’t. I sleep in the basement we have sex and that’s about it. I said I don’t agree, but left it at that.
At one point I told H that OW needed him more than we do. I don’t know if this was a smart thing to say, but I did. If she’s that bad, who knows what she’s going to do, I mean that H was in that much of hurry to get out of here. I have the Lord, OW has H. I think I've got the better deal.
I’m calm and peaceful right now. I’m not anxious, I think I’m okay, I keep taking my “temperature” and the panic and fear haven’t set in. It’s such a great feeling. I’ll stay up for awhile and pray for H and OW and then go to sleep. That will be the test for me.
This is H's mess, I feel detached right now. I feel good for myself, I think I'm going to be okay. That I feel this way tonight is big to me, I probably have lots more to learn, tests, etc. But I think I'm learning how to turn to the L for comfort and guidance.
What has happened to me? I’m okay with H running out of here, I’m okay with it and it's an amazing feeling.
This might be a positive, that H told me he was going there, that he didn't just go to work and then was a noshow that night. Is it?
