Sounds like you're doing all the right things. My advice would be to try as best you can to NOT share where you are with him if the R talk does happen. I think there are places on this site that give examples of things you can say to avoid answering, like really doubling down on the validation, or if he asks you a point blank question, "hmm, I'd have to think about that and get back to you" and move along. You might look for some of those or come up with a few phrases to have at the ready in case he goes there. The last thing you want, at this point, I think, is to get baited into re-confirming yourself as Plan B (I hate that term, but you know what I mean).
Also, the fact that you pulling back is leading to all these pursuing behaviors means-- don't stop pulling back. I think it could be really tempting to give in if he asks to move back in, or for more time together during this S, etc.-- but it probably is more of a reason to double down. You just said yourself you don't think 3 weeks is enough of a separation to make good decisions (plus it isn't really much of a separation given his behavior) so if you think that, say that if he says he wants to move back in or whatever. And it seems like his behavior is still giving you a lot of anxiety, so anything you can do to continue to support what YOU need-- not to elicit any particular actions from him, but to support what helps YOU during this crazy time-- is important. My sense from what you've shared is that what you need is some more time and space to sort out yourself, and until/unless he recommits, you aren't really interested in getting jerked around. Is that accurate?
The vets all say when he's ready to come back, you'll know-- if he isn't, you'll be confused. Trust your gut.
You got this!! xx M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
