Quick answer, so my D doesn't out to be like her mother and her grandmother. Why wouldn't I want the best for my D? I understand I can not control her but in one minute you talk about trauma leading to BPD and Narcissism. The next you say, who cares in your D mother is a drunk, selfish, cheater. With all due respect, you make no sense. I get the fact I can't change her. But I made one comment about seeking help. I didn't pick her, get a new outfit, a coffee and from her at her IC. I went the best for my D, plain and simple. my D3 is too young to know now. So if my W has a heart and loves her D, and she does very much, she has a chance to make it right for her, not me.
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Some are beyond fixing and some don't want to be fixed
She may be beyond fixing, however, she has said numerous times she is "f'd up." She has said it to me, the MC, her BF's. She has said she has to figure her head out. Now, I realize these are just words. But if she really goes back to IC, and I mean for a while, then why wouldn't I want that? And that would be behavior, not words.
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You made a mistake of picking a bad partner. You cant change that now.. What you can change is how your daughter sees her father.
Now you are speaking the truth.
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ou are still VERY MUCH in that magic bullet phase
Also, true. After reading over OS2 thread, I saw he mentioned a book called Women's Infidelity. After reading over a synopsis, she was able to put it in a new way, a way identical to the advice on the board. Through the eyes of the WW, bu me chasing or remaining in contact, I am giving her the ingredients to continue her affair. She gets both guys making her feel superior. It dawned on me, don't give her the ingredients. It says as soon as she loses the ingredients, her A becomes an R, and most of the time they don't want an R because they enjoyed the excitement of the A. It also talks about the four stages of a betrayed H. Also, accurate info if you want to look into it. It agrees with you all saying I need to detach to the point where I don't care about the outcome of our relationship. I can't control the outcome, so don't care about the outcome That is what I want. I realize that is what you all have been saying but maybe it was the way she wrote it...I don't know but it resonated with me.
As I was reading over this today, my W texted "how are you guys?" I didn't respond. This is after me telling her to stop sending me texts and asking to hangout. Since I said that 24 hours ago she has sent me pics of our D, a produced video of my D with my W trying to coax her o say she loves me on video, and numerous texts. I have responded to zero. I am done being an ingredient.
