Affair Fog-LRT 3

[MrBrside]

It was a statement that my IC and I came up with because he knows my W well and after explaining some of the scenarios that have played out.

1 word - Control. You ( nor the IC ) can control her. You can only control yourself.

her traumatized childhood (her mother cheated and drank excessively and essentially abandoned her...probably why she is who she is today). So after talking with him yesterday, he continued to stress that importance. He said that she is going to break if she doesn't deal with everything and just continues to brush it under the rug.

Not sure if its sunked in yet - She isnt going to break - She is already broken. My WW had a similar childhood - dad cheated and abandoned her.. Search BPD - Very common when children suffer early trauma.. She has probably been broken since way before you met her - you just chose to ignore it - and to a degree still are.

The thing is - with people like your WW.. Some are beyond fixing and some don't want to be fixed.. Either way, its not your job to fix her !!!

He said she should do it for her D if nothing else so she can parent in an appropriate way.

Again, its not your job to fix her ? - YOU control YOU - your focus should be on being the best dad possible for your daughter. Your wife has let herself, you, the family and daughter down - This is where you stand up and show the world and your daughter that your WWs decissions have no impact on you. Go one step further and learn from your WW...Look at how she messes up and make a mental note.. Then make sure you dont do it. As your daughter gets older she will know who the Rock is - and respect you - Carry on the way you are and your daughter will grow up seeing a weak father figure.

she needs to be a good mother and not choose booze and bars over her kid like she has previously done. She loves her D, but she certainly hasn't shown that the last year lying to her face about going to IC when in fact she was going to see the OM. That is what bothers me the most, lying to a 3-year-old every week when my D would ask where she was going and she said to an appointment (IC). She wasn't.

Why does she need to be a good mother ? Again you are trying to control it. If she wants to be a terrible mother, its her choice. You don't get much of a say in it. My WW was a great mother for the 1st child.. Amazing. Something happened in her head and by child 2 she was going off the rails.. By pregnancy 3 she was drinking through the pregnancy ! - even though i disapproved.. She will lie and lie and lie to you, her family, your child - anybody...

Look up BPD and venrable Narsasism.. similar traits and suit your WW to a T..

You made a mistake of picking a bad partner. You cant change that now.. What you can change is how your daughter sees her father.

One last question: when I post about S/D, or anyone else does for that matter, why do so many say to do it? Isn't this site about divorce busting and not divorce initiation? I am 2 months in and people say to D. Isn't that the opposite of what MWD says? I realize it is my journey, my choice. But it seems counter-intuitive to support divorce so much on a divorce busting site. I can already hear all the boos.

Me, you and 99% of the people come here looking for a magic bullet - how we can make our cheating partners fall in love with us again and dump the OM / OW. The OM/OW is the problem - if they end the affair we can get back to out happy relationship blar blar blar - So everything you read is counter-intuative. You are still VERY MUCH in that magic bullet phase and i dont think its sunk in yet that your marrige is gone... Even if she ends the affair, she doesnt repect you and it will come crashing down in 6 months, 12 months etc..
I cant tell you what the outcome for you will be, as you take your own path.
For me, it was a greater understanding of the WW mindset - Self Reflection and knowing what i needed to do to improve myself - I'm made a lot of changes in the past 12 months and feel 10 years younger. I made these changes for me and not WW - I know that one day i will have another long term relationship - and it will be succesful - as i wont make te mistakes i made 1st time - thanks to this site.. As for your WW / my WW and so many other WWs out there.. They will crash and burn becuase they never think they were the issue.