Literally that entire thing was about her changing. And not a single thing about you changing. And you sound like beyond bitter. Your kids are tiny. That's a full time job whether you help or not. If you're not helping it's 2 full time jobs. The fact that you are disgusted about spending money on her is really sad. She maybe a crappy wife, and a bad person but she's the mother of your children. And she seems to love them very much. Even if she doesn't always parent and co-parent the way you'd like. And with that in mind if this amount of money is disturbing to you, divorce is going to be a rude awakening for you my friend. Not everybody has to be me, but, my god man. You're expectations are off the wall. I get it your in a tight space. And this covid mess has every body running on 11 emotionally. Especially people with anxiety. But if you're in the US the curve doesn't look like it will flatten until the end of the month. Where I live you basically can't get a court date unless it's a criminal matter, most jurisdictional time lines are being waived. How do you think she'd move right now? How would that even be possible? Much less getting a job? Half this county is out of work right now. You have absolutely no choice but to work with what you have. And get a hold of yourself. It is not her job to reciprocate feelings for you. It's not her job to work on your time line. It's not her job feed your ego or work on the MR while you sit back and wait for her to change. H3ll, it's not her job to change. She can only do what she is emotionally capable of and what she feels is right for her. And that might not agree with what you think is right for you and/or the family. And because of that this might not be a marriage worth saving for you. But right now that's entirely besides the point.
I realize you're on top of each other, but you are not listening to me at all. You are the only one in control of your emotions. You are the only one in control of your actions. You are the only one in control of your reactions. Now it sounds like she's being a good co-parent for the most part and a good roommate. So what if she isn't being the wife you have idealized? Accept the good you're getting. You're stuck with it for the foreseeable future. And no you don't need to stop planning groceries and playing with the kids or doing movies with the kids together. What exactly do you think that would accomplish? Neither of you can leave. There is no prospects on the immediate horizon. Traditional DBing isn't going to work here #1. And #2 I'm not entirely sure how excluding yourself from those super specific activities living in the same home would even be DBing. What would be your plan as an alternative? Both adults go out and shop separately for separate meals when we're supposed to be limiting contact? Cutting yourself out of what seems like the last few months of memories for your daughter of the family as one unit under one roof because you want to teach your wife a lesson for not loving you? Or not loving you right? Seriously the question here isn't what card can you play to get your wife to behave the way you want her to. Filing isn't a wake up call. It's a nail in the coffin. You need to understand that. The question you really need to be asking is how can you behave and talk yourself into rational thinking so you don't make this super stressful time even more stressful for every one including you? I'm just going to say it outright. Shelf the D talk. Shelf the S talk. Shelf the bitterness. Shelf the expectations. The situation you are currently in is likely your life for the next 30 days. Maybe longer. So accept the good behavior. Ignore the bad. Start trying to find something to be grateful for every day. Your kids are the age to be high risk. You need to get your life in perspective right now.
Trust me I cry myself to sleep some nights still because he's still hot and cold. Even if it's hot more often then not these days. But we are all here. We are all healthy. H and I are still employed. And unfortunately still in limbo. But we've just decided to not talk about that since we're locked in. So be it. We're going to keep working at being amazing co-parents and roommates. And friends with benefits. Because that's where we're at. There's no point in fighting. Or being resentful. Or even wondering where we will be in 30 days. I can only think about the next day in front of us. We have no choice.
