As predicted by AS earlier in this thread, H seems to be pursuing big time - calls, texts, hugs, even liking everything I post on FB etc.
You've got to be careful here because if you let yourself get lured in then he will go right back to distancing. Right now it's not based on any real interest in getting back together, it's just a temp check.
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I mean WTF, why would he want to work in the same place as me?? I thought he’s either making excuses to contact me or he realises he’s been a complete knob over the last year with his city parallel life and want to work close to home.
Honestly it sounds like another temp check. He's checking for a reaction. Don't give him one. Just reply back with something generic like "I'm sure you'll get it all figured out".
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I had more texts and calls later that day which I did not respond to or pick up.
Good!
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We did however exchange txts late afternoon and he told me he was in a bad place. I suggested he call a friend rather than try and deal with it all on his own.
Minor point but don't try to fix him, just listen and validate. "I hear you saying you're in a bad place, that sounds scary, is that how you feel?"
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Today he sent an early message to say hi and asked if I was ok and if I feel I am in a better place now. I said I don’t want to get into this over text but would talk f2f if there was anything he wanted to know or ask me. So he replied to ask if we could talk over the weekend.
Get into what? YOU validate HIM, not the other way around. If he asks how you are doing then just say "Fantastic!" and leave it at that. Remember Sandi's rules!
12. Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! In other words, be the best you can be and look the best you can look at all times. Even when wearing jeans and T-shirt, wear good cologne, b/c it does cause the spouse to take notice.
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So...what does he want to talk about?
Probably the same old junk. He's torn but he thinks he's done, he doesn't think you're trying hard enough, the attraction isn't there, blah blah blah. Just listen and validate. And next time don't invite him over. Do you invite someone over once a week to punch you in the face? Then you shouldn't invite him either, LOL!
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I get the feeling he really thinks plan b is slipping away. I need to be careful not to get reeled in, let him think I am available, and then watch him disappear again.
^^^EXACTLY!^^^
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I’ve been running through scenarios in my head. What if he says he wants to work things out? What if he says he loves me? What if...what if....
Words are cheap. You want to see ACTIONS. What do his ACTIONS tell you?
