MLC newbie

[Believe6]

Paco,
Thank you. I am crying as I respond to this.

B6,

You come across as being a spiritual, compassionate person. Let me share three things that have helped me.

First, as I told her nephew (who told me he prays for our reconciliation), “I would much rather you pray for her reconciliation with her version of God. Everything follows from that.” Whatever label one uses (MLC, WAW), I believe my wife is on an existential journey to discover the best version of herself. Wherever this leads her, I pray for the success of that journey, regardless of my own needs. For me, this is the essence of love.

Second, as I told a mutual friend (who is a priest), “You and I believe there is an entity that loves her more than either of us can. We can only entrust her journey to that entity.” (See my definition of entity below.)

Third, my own journey is very much one of learning to trust God, whom I think of in metaphorical terms. For me, God is my abbreviated term to refer to the authentic, best version of each of us. In a sense, when I say, trust God, I mean trust my future self. I trust myself to have the strength and compassion to lovingly support her, even as I give her as much space and freedom as she needs. But I realize as well that to be in this position is to be in pain. Detachment does not mean absence of pain. As I’m sure you know, to love is to risk pain. According to Christian lore, two millennia ago next week, a man died a cruel death proving just that.

First, You are right. I need to pray for her reconciliation with H's version of God, which in the past he has said he believes there's something, but he doesn't believe it does things for us. But earlier in his life he did believe in God in deep ways. I don't want to impose my faith or beliefs on him. I just want him to be guided by a compass that helps him to feel happy, proud, free... all the things he wants for himself, truly.

B6,


Second, as I told a mutual friend (who is a priest), “You and I believe there is an entity that loves her more than either of us can. We can only entrust her journey to that entity.” (See my definition of entity below.)

I do believe there is an entity that loves him more than I can. I am afraid to trust his or my journey. The pain is unbearable sometimes. Yet, I know, when the veil from my eyes are lifted, I can see how much pain he is in. How he wishes he wasn't in this pain and because he can't stand it in himself, he is searching everywhere he can for a lifeline... and unfortunately, me and the life we built isn't it.

But it hurts so much, because I want to be there for him. I want to throw him a lifeline. I want to light the path. But my light is dim. I know that. I am so focused on him sometimes, I am having a hard time seeing my own light.

I think too, that I have wanted to help others. To do work that matters in the world and I haven't been able to find that path. So I feel even worse about my value. I know that my value lies in what I do regardless of pay. But we live in a western world where money feeds our kids and supports a specific lifestyle.

B6,


Third, my own journey is very much one of learning to trust God, whom I think of in metaphorical terms. For me, God is my abbreviated term to refer to the authentic, best version of each of us. In a sense, when I say, trust God, I mean trust my future self. I trust myself to have the strength and compassion to lovingly support her, even as I give her as much space and freedom as she needs. But I realize as well that to be in this position is to be in pain. Detachment does not mean absence of pain. As I’m sure you know, to love is to risk pain. According to Christian lore, two millennia ago next week, a man died a cruel death proving just that.

Third, It's such a crux right now. From reading HeartsBlessings posts from the past, I know that detachment saves us from being rocked too much by what the MLCer does or doesn't do. Trusting God is so very hard for me. I have strayed from my roman C foundation because he didn't like to go to church and really there is much about the one we've been going to which doesn't resonate with me. I am finding roman C mass on TV much easier to attend and be present.

I realize now that regardless of what he thinks or feels I have to quit bartering away the things that make my soul happy. So I attend now. And although I have a ways to go to feel the deep connection I want and used to feel, I am trying. I guess leaning in to the pain? Even though it is so very hard sometimes...

Thinking good thoughts for you, my new friend, Paco. Thank you so much for your wisdom. I will have to re-read this (as well as so many others who've shared wisdom with me). It's easy to forget the wisdom in the heat of the pain.

Blessings