After having been NC since the weekend W came over last night wanting to update me.
OS, stop the madness! Why in the world do you keep letting her come over and tell you the EXACT SAME NONSENSE she's ALREADY told you over and over again? You have GOT to be firm with her. Enough is enough. Tell her "W, I am done speaking with you about this. You know what you need to do. I don't want to talk to you or see you again, please respect my privacy." PERIOD. END OF STORY.
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Then the rest doesn't matter. Words are cheap, especially when they're coming out of a WW's mouth.
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but her conversation was entirely about the future and what she wanted to do, cutting out OM, making the M work for good and getting back together.
If it really mattered that much to her then OM would be in the rearview mirror and she would be begging you to forgive her transgressions, NOT to take her back because once she hits rock bottom she will no longer feel worthy of being your W. SHE WILL BEG YOU TO FORGIVE HER. <<< Read that, sear it into your mind. All she is doing right now is STILL blaming you, and then telling you she needs your support while she TRIES to wean herself off of OM. I mean are you kidding me? She's throwing you stale crumbs and you are crawling on the ground lapping them up. Please stop!
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She said she needs to arrange her support network too because she knows she'll find it difficult to give up OM but she wants to, and she's putting it off because she knows how difficult and hurtful she will find it.
I wish you could step outside of your situation for a moment and just bask in the absolute absurdity and selfishness of a statement like this!! Where you see hope I see utter ridiculousness.
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Should I be helping her with withdrawal?
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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She said there was no chance of this ever happening again because she never wants to feel like she has again.
OK so let me give you an analogy here. A heroin addict will tell you over and over again about how they are done, they're going to get clean, get a job, get a car, get a house, get their kids back that they lost in a custody battle, and make the life for themselves they've always wanted. ALL WHILE STILL DOING HEROIN. I have known a couple of addicts and heard it all first-hand, believe me. They just need a little money to put themselves on the right track. Do they mean it? Yes they absolutely mean it at that time. If you give them money it gets immediately shot right into their arm, just "one last blast" before they go on the straight and narrow. And one more, and one more... until they're in jail or dead. YOUR WIFE IS AN ADDICT. She's addicted to OM. Remove him from the picture and it won't be long before OM2 arrives. All this talk of "oh I need your support" and "I need a support network to help me through this" and "I'll never do it again" it's all BS. Only SHE can stop, and she's nowhere close to that yet.
Please, just leave her alone. No more R talks, or OM talks. Let her explore her addiction and hit rock bottom because of it and pray that when she does, she'll well and truly do the work on herself that she needs to do. Until then, tell her to leave you alone.
