MLC newbie

[Believe6]

Why is this so hard? I sometimes think, if he had passed away it may have been easier than dealing with the pain of his betrayal and me realizing he's in MLC with no clear end date. Then I could begin to imagine life with just me and the kids and both sides of our family.

But this? When you know the person you married is effectively gone. The marriage you cherished and the one so many admired is a lie and is dead, but you cant really bury it because you are trying to stand?

I am trying to do what Hearts Blessing recommends and detach, but we are still in the same house. He is polite but extremely distant. We have never been that way before. It hurts so much and my anxiety and depression are just there hovering. So we fight to find joy in each moment or at least peace.

But how can I really focus on what makes me happy when I am so worried about losing my family? A friend of mine says I need to cut the spiritual chord so I can swim before I drown. Maybe that's what detachment is? But how?

Because to stand, I must be strong, whole, complete and healed. I can't do that if I am constantly worried about his process, progress and healing. I am doing smart contact and now I'm just letting him take the lead. But it's so hard. It still hurts so much every day.

Doing the Work to questions my beliefs when I can. That's hard too. But I guess for those of us i. this fire, that's all there is. The work in us... never ending.But hopefully eventually we will rise.