Yes, I wondered that myself, May - if it would get worse. And if, given the other circumstances, I could actually cope with it getting worse right now. But as it happens, it's been very peaceful this past couple of days and they've actually spent some nice time together walking the dog - which hasn't happened in months. I wonder if their conflict was more to do with me or them wanting me to intervene than it was to do with each other. I don't know. It's early days yet. And I would have said, in answer to your second question - that no, I didn't think that either of them had the skills (or humility) to look at their own behaviour and make changes, rather than carry on pointing the finger at the other. That may be true - or I may be wrong - but either way, I can't really do anything about that right now. I guess doing nothing and taking a huge dose of the STFU soup is the best thing to do right now.
But when I zoom out from this one issue, actually, things in the house are going very well. H is working so hard, and is making such sacrifices and taking such risks to his health, and also going above and beyond domestically too - and I am seeing him take such care with Youngest's education, and being very attentive to what we all need. I guess I see, more than ever, and have learned to 'hear' that his love language is 'acts of service' and we are as a family badly in need of those.
I am having to learn - again - to let up on my controlling ways. I have such a lot of fear for the kids, and their education, and have been rushing them into home learning and online courses, etc. H seems a lot less fear-driven and more willing to just take each day as it comes. I'm learning to value that: he has a confidence in his parenting instincts (the bad side of that is a kind of inflexibility or unwillingness to review a decision and change course) that makes him a calmer pair of hands in a crisis, whereas I'm always second guessing myself (and the good side of that is flexibility, and a willingness to accept feedback and admit I am wrong) and chopping and changing and flapping about. I do think that on the whole we are balancing each other out much better, and part of that his him being gentler, and me being more assertive.
