Caught between a rock and a hard place

[sandi2]

It's possible she saw OM last week. I stupidly tried to bring up the subject of her plans that night, and I think she saw right through it. Very defensive. Had a story about hanging out with a friend. Could be true, could be not. The friend is a clear enabler who barely knows me, so who knows.

She knows you well and can see through that kind of stuff. She may have been defensive b/c she could tell you were fishing, and she resented it. However, you're probably right about her seeing OM.

The next morning she texted me, suggesting we get together to talk that night. Shortly after that, she called and tried to start an argument about something kinda related to the night before. I told her I'm not arguing and she will speak to me with respect or not speak to me. She cooled her jets and we talked it through.

Good for you! Frankly, I don't see the point in meeting for a talk, until she has stopped all contact with OM and is ready to do whatever is necessary to save the MR. Do you? Whenever a WW calls/texts saying to meet up for a talk.......it's never good.

She talked about "if" we decide to fix things on some future date and expressed doubts about whether she really wants a divorce and if we could ever get over some of the hurt in our relationship. I let her know I have realized a lot of my own needs and I would expect full commitment to the marriage before I'd be willing to work on things. That right now I'm focused on continuing to build a good life for myself and my son. I told her I would not choose to split apart our family for no reason, but that I had finally realized there are things that could lead me to make that choice.

Good job!

I still don't believe her. I am just trying really hard not to let my mind go so far down that road. I'm torn between not caring and trying to find hard evidence. Is it helpful to find evidence?

I think you'd be lying to yourself to say you don't care. Some say yes to getting Intell about an affair, others don't agree. If you need to know, then do it. It's not for the faint of heart, so that choice is up to you.

Anyways after the discussion had died down and I was about to leave, she just jumps on me and starts making out with me. I let it happen. Not sure if that was the right move. I liked it, but I didn't push. She brought up the idea of sex and said she was uncertain. I said simply that I wouldn't beg for anything and left it at that. We spent some time close that night and she recounted good memories from our past. I left after that.

You spent some time close? What does that mean? Did you have sex or not?

I'm not believing anything she says and only half what she does. The confusing things lately couple with her saying she now has doubts about D (previously stated it was the only option) are hard to follow. I'm sticking with DB'ing. Sometimes I want to reach out, so I call a friend instead. It doesn't feel good to think she's toying with me, but I hold that as the most likely scenario.

Yeah, I think she is probably toying with you. Here's the thing.......the more you spend time close, and play happy family, the more you will feel confused. She's trying to appease you, without giving you what you really want......which is honesty and commitment to work on the MR.