I just read your thread from beginning to end. I'm sorry you're going through this.
If by "address" you mean to get fiery, argue, complain, etc. then I'd say it's probably best not to if your aim is to reconcile. If by "address" you mean to set boundaries to ensure your own healthy and sanity, I'd say definitely! There's a thread on boundaries here. Most read it only after they good their first attempts. Think about banks and creditors. They don't get angry. They take steps to protect themselves.
Consider splitting your finances--then you don't have to worry about overspending.
