Look, I can respect that every one has a different line in the sand for what they consider disrespect. Maybe my threshold is just higher because honestly I've been called the c word by my daughter's father on more than one occasion. Which for informational purposes you should know it accomplished absolutely nothing because he doesn't have that kind of power over me. I couldn't care less what he says to me. And if it were possible to care even less than that, that's how much I care about him respecting me. Contrary to popular belief the objective concept of respect isn't owed to any one. My purpose of posting what I did is that I think you need to consider that you can't stand her right now and therefor her every motion has your hackles raised. That there is a possibility that you are blowing things a bit out of proportion because your emotions are riding high. Because honestly if you can't stand her, Every breath she takes is going to be offensive. And if that's the case, fine. So be it. You don't have to love her. Or try to make this work. Or stay in this marriage. Or be her friend. But you will be living with this woman as part of your life for a very, very, very long time and if you can't start managing your own emotions and behaviors through detachment you have a very, very, long, bumpy road ahead of you.
Do you think most of us co-parenting with our exes are 100% respectful to each other 100% of the time? We're not. And no matter how hard we try to stay above board we aren't always pleasant or kind in front of our kids either. People in healthy happy marriages are 100% respectful to each to each other 100% of the time. What I can tell you though is what those of us co-parenting don't do. We don't give a hoot about what the exes say or do when they interact with us if it has absolutely nothing to do with the actual care and keeping of our children. My ex called me a b*tch at Christmas this past Christmas and I wasn't even there. We haven't been together in 8 years. Let me tell you how much I care. I laughed when D17 told me what happened. D17 put his butt into place, loved on her grandparents and then left. I didn't need to be there. I didn't need to command his respect. I had no need to show him how much self respect I have or lay boundaries for a person who doesn't care about anybody's boundaries but their own. I have our daughter's respect. I've given her the tools for self respect and boundaries with her father. I don't have a thing to prove to my ex. You want to be a good example to your kids. Show them what rising above looks like. Correcting their mother like a 3rd child isn't rising above. Like at all. All it's doing is feeding into a parent child marital relationship. Not giving a d@mn about what she says and does or thinks or feels about you. That's rising above.
So I'll go back to my previous statement. You want to feed your ego or do you want peace? Or as I've also heard it phrased do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? You want calm. You want quiet. You want your life to be less complicated. Less full of stress, and pain. You have to do that. She will try to get under your skin for the rest of your lives. And the only thing you can control in those situations are your actions and reactions. We all have choices to make in that space. I'm trying to offer you the alternative perspective and alternative approach of not every single action and reaction of others needs a response.
