I truly wanted to reach out to H yesterday. Its been 4 days NC. Wanted to know if he/family is being affected by the virus.
I have a client not much older than me on a ventilator.
I work in a field that should be locked down to urgent care only but we are not. We are seeing routine healthy visits and that continues to put me and the rest of the staff here at higher risk than necessary. We don't have masks. I'm trying to keep my distance but it is impossible not to have to get close at times and handle things they have touched.
The fear is real. I leave my home everyday and I'm risking my life with routine stuff. I'm totally on board with being available for urgent care items - that's my job and oath I took.
I just want to let H know. I want that shoulder of support. I know its completely stupid. He is not mine for emotional support. It hurts even more under these circumstances.
His puppy was ill all weekend. I had to clean up stompped in feces more than once with complete breakdown of cage, scrubbing and then cleaning the dog. That was followed by cleaning up tons of vomitting. Being up all night dealing with vomitting and now leaving him all day so I can be at work.
I was brave, exhausted and emotionally torn up. I did not give in even once to text H about anything.
I have to remind myself that he also has not checked in to see if he needs to help with puppy. I realize that I have forced his hand to leave me alone and give me space - so yes I asked him to stop contacting me. But, even before then not a hint about this dog or what I needed. I realize his selfishness. I'm angry at it. I realize this puppy is mine. I'm the one its bonded too.
I suppose this pandemic is making it harder on me emotionally.
I told myself on the way to work that I am the gem. I am the one to be valued. I am the prize. I am worthy.
Last edited by job; 03/30/2002:14 PM. Reason: edited language with proper name for bodily function
