a new normal

[Pommy99]

May do you know in your own mind what it is you want to discuss re the A? I know you have mentioned previously, for example, wanting to know how they communicated. Do you have a list of things in your mind that you feel you need to know? (Not suggesting you post them here of course!) Have you written them down and considered them one by one?

Where does your MC stand on disclosure (as in should it happen inside or outside of therapy, and what is the timeline for having those conversations)? Is he leading you down the path to structured disclosure? He no doubt recognises H’s reluctance in divulging details and the potential reasons why (such as protecting your feelings, fear that you will never be able to forgive, shame, embarrassment, previous lies being uncovered, etc). Im just wondering how he sees disclosure happening in an environment that’s safe for both of you?

Re the friend zone and worrying about pushing yourself on someone who doesn’t want you back, this is the exact place I was in. So ironic that H was having sex with me out of obligationlast year (or simply rejecting me), after all those years of me doing the same to him. It was impossible for me to navigate and in my case his heart wasn’t interested in rekindling desire.

Because you have pulled back recently, do you think H is worried all over again that you have lost interest and is fearful of you rejecting him all over again? I think you did a great thing telling him you wanted sex...and you got a response. Does he need that reassurance from you that you’re not going to reject him?

Sending hugs x