Limbo over, now separated but in lockdown (part 3)

[Pommy99]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2884718&page=1

Quick summary, WAH who has been very indecisive/confused over the last year, ILYB, on/off EA, finally moved out 2 weeks ago (mid March). He suggested a trial separation so he could have some time/space. I disagreed and stated that a separation is a separation - no rules.

One week later we went into C-19 lockdown. Since he moved out I have seen him every day bar one. The 4 of us are allowed to see the 4 of us and move the children between our respective houses. He is here every day. He has lunch, coffee, we do shopping for each other. If he’s not here, he’ll regularly message or call. A couple of times I’ve had to be firm and remind him that he doesn’t live here and can’t just walk in, help himself to food etc as it is no longer his home.

This isn’t what separation is supposed to look like. He wanted time/space. Coronavirus has meant he has to wfh and can see no-one, except us. He is lonely and miserable in a rental, with no garden, and no family.

I haven’t initiated talks, I’ve let him tell me. He says he still questions why he felt the need to leave, he’s told me a few time he misses me. I’ve acted like I’ve moved on, that we’re done, I’ve turned down his multiple requests to exercise together. He’s been tactile, always touching my arm, massaging my shoulder.

But yesterday I went against DB and I told him I missed him when he gave me a hug. He said he missed me too. I said I just want you to come home. Wrong move, I know. He held me closer and said let’s just see what happens. Which I know means nothing has changed, and I wouldn’t expect it to in 2weeks. Why did I say that!

I need to learn how to use lockdown to my advantage, because I think we may have another 8 weeks at least if government statements today are indicative of what is in the pipeline.

Right now H and I need each other, but probably him more than me. It’s a tough balance being supportive in times of crisis, whilst wanting him to keep a distance, just like he needed. I’m pretty certain if life was running as normal, I would have 1/10th of the contact I have with him now, and that would be on his terms.