MLC newbie

[Believe6]

Thank you, DnJ and Job! I thought I was doing so well today. Gave him.plenty of space.We both had to do work in the yard. I did the yard work while the kids and H we were relaxing doing their think. Then I worked on laundry and went back out later when he was coming back in. Later we were both heading out to take night shots on our own. When I was getting ready, he told me to be careful because both the kids wanted to come with me. I said , yes of course. He said in a mean voice, why are you saying it like that? I was so confused. Like what, I said. He said, you know, fake.

He's accused me of being fake recently. I am not being fake or robotic. I am trying to be kinder and sweeter in my tone. In the past, he and the kids tell me my tone seemed condescending or sarcastic. Even though my H can be sarcastic. Os anyway, I got really mad. I couldn't help it. I told him why did he assume I was being fake. I'm not being fake. Trying to be better at how I talk. I told him he had to quit assuming things like that. Just because I am trying to be better.

Anyway, still trying to calm down. out now and hoping this time will help me balance again so I can try to listen and validate. It's tough and [censored]. Especially when my crazy mind thinks he may have used this time to see th ow. Even though he sworn that he isnt contacting, speaking or seeing any other women. If he is, its quick which is possible. I keep thinking what does it matter if he is. I must focus on me. But it still hurts. These thoughts torture me. I want peace. No matter what the truth is. I want peace.

Thanks for reading and the prayers and support.