Moving On Over to Surviving the Big D

[HaWho]

Thanks Bttrfly and Job.

Ownit - no, did not feel the need to bathe the dog, hah! Actually I was surprised to see him out. He’s a hypochondriac so it took me by surprise that he was out and about without a hazmat suit. He is definitely on the panic side of these sorts of things given his tremendous fear of death. I kind of figured he’d be living like the Once-Ler, you know, hidden in his house peeking through slats of the blinder.

As for the new relationship, in thinking about it, it is both very easy and very hard post marriage. It is easy because I come and go as I please; I sure do love that! This is especially true after the craziness I lived through the last years of my marriage.

Good news is this guy takes his Christmas tree down early January! (No Christmas carols play in March.). He is checking those boxes!

But, it is hard adding variables. He still has not met my kids. He agrees on this given the speed with which my ex introduced and married his mistress. So much change for my kids after so much stability.

These second relationships are hard in that we are not bonded over our kids in the same way as we were with the father of our children. It’s just different.

He has two children. The younger one and I hit it off very well. He is 17. The older is a daughter in college. She is 19 and she is very unsettled in herself. I would say alarmingly so.

It was clear when I met his daughter that she is a daddy’s girl and was jealous that he was dating. (I definitely don’t stand too close to any cliffs when I am around her.) I am the first woman he has introduced to his kids in the 10 years he has been divorced.

I feel like she works overtime not to accept me. She told B’s sister, her aunt, in front of B’s whole family that I take time away from their relationship. I was not present. I think she would not accept anyone. The aunt tried to tell her he devoted himself to them but they are growing up and has wants more in his life.

I give her lots of space. Mostly I DB her! She has a whole lot of growing up to do. She is more immature than the 17 year old. Honestly, she is less mature than my 14 year old.

Because the girl has often been without a present, stable mother, I think boyfriend overcompensated. I think he feels guilty she was without a mother and I think she takes advantage of it. His sister, in private said the same to me. It is pretty obvious. I do not say a word about the dynamic. But she is home now due to the pandemic and brings a storm of tension with her. She is not happy in herself. What has always been a calm house when she is at university is now rife with drama. She is difficult and makes most interactions so. Asking her to take a turn walking the dog causes code red like alarms. From her response you would think a defibrillator was needed. And because she overreacts to everything people avoid asking her to do anything. I have noticed his ex wife is the same so I wonder if this isn’t learned behavior.

So yeah, complicated variables for sure. I find myself exhausted by her. Which is why it’s nice to come and go. And this all before my kids are folded into the mix.

Boyfriend, is 10 years out from his divorce. We get along well. We share a few hobbies which make spending time together easy. Well, that was back before we were in full lockdown! He has intimated he wants something long term with me. He even suggested marriage. Every single guy I have ever dated has done this. I was straight with him that none of that is anywhere on my radar. And no, I don’t say that because I am playing hard to get. I am in date mode.

So thankful not to be living with an MLCer. Each day is a gift after that slog.