My wife wasn't sleeping with another man, getting listed as his wife in an obituary and telling me she didn't even consider it cheating because she didn't feel married anymore.
When you frame it that he is in love with someone else it is like you are letting him off the hook. "He can't help it, he's in love with someone else, not me."
That's crap. You said this has been going on for 8 weeks? That ain't love. That's lust. That's infatuation. That's limerance.
He's a lying cheater. And you shouldn't even be one open to R until such time he is no longer a lying cheater. And even then he should have to prove it through a longgggggggg period of consistent behavior. Like, after another 3 months he realizes he screwed up, you start the clock and if he consistently is not a lying cheater for 9-12 months then you consider R, but only with conditions that he you give him zero tolerance on.
I get it.
When I first mentioned that someone else listed him as their spouse he acted like WTF... went on to state that only person listed as his spouse was me. When it came to light exactly what I was talking about he insisted that he was listed as her boyfriend. I said do you know how lame that sounds - that you are married/I am your spouse but you have a girlfriend?? I let it go after that. He clearly doesn't care.
My H will take the path of least resistance... even if this relationship fails... which even he predicted it was not a smart idea to sleep with her and any relationship wouldn't last... whatever...
It would be far to hard to come back to me, beg for me and chase me... He knew all along that my deal breaker was cheating. But, I am 100% aware that I left him on empty for a long time. That doesn't excuse his choices but I accept my role. I'm owning it... I doing what I can to change myself and find that woman that he fell hard in love with. I really miss her too.
I'm still in the mode to save my M. If he clearly came back and wanted to sincerely do whatever it took to make amends I would be open to that...
One of the things when you are with someone for 10yr is you know them... you really know them... and I see a pattern with my H. While he seemed to acknowledge my feelings that I was probably right in that he should have never given up on me --- he did. Now, I never know what to believe if ever.
I 90% certain my H will not come back.
I will keep moving forward and try to enjoy a few days without him contacting me.
