DO not write out that he is in love with her. Who he is in love with doesn't matter.
That he is a lying cheater is what matters. Write that out. I think you still have him held up as some ideal, something to be desired. He is not.
I think telling myself that not only does he feel he does NOT love me and loves her --- is my way of accepting the situation??? At least that is what I thought. Accepting the current reality?
And, if I like many people who come here are struggling in the Ms and hoping for recon isn't it more like he is nothing to be desired right now?
Or, is the principle he will never change. He will never notice my absence or have regret? I know that he will never come back unless he fears he has lost me even at that?
I believe you gave your W a timeline... a frame in which things had to change or else?
My timeline is one year. When the legal s is over if he hasn't had that wake up call I will know to move on. Until then I am trying my best to drop the rope.
My wife wasn't sleeping with another man, getting listed as his wife in an obituary and telling me she didn't even consider it cheating because she didn't feel married anymore.
When you frame it that he is in love with someone else it is like you are letting him off the hook. "He can't help it, he's in love with someone else, not me."
That's crap. You said this has been going on for 8 weeks? That ain't love. That's lust. That's infatuation. That's limerance.
He's a lying cheater. And you shouldn't even be one open to R until such time he is no longer a lying cheater. And even then he should have to prove it through a longgggggggg period of consistent behavior. Like, after another 3 months he realizes he screwed up, you start the clock and if he consistently is not a lying cheater for 9-12 months then you consider R, but only with conditions that he you give him zero tolerance on.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
