Hey Pommy I've been thinking about you. So I see H is really not doing well with physical boundaries. You're doing such a great job with standing your ground but I do wonder if maybe there is a less dig into the marriage falling apart way to respond when he's crossing those boundaries, like him pretending he lives in two homes. I was thinking maybe you could approach it more like he's an annoying roommate. I've been suggesting that to a lot of people lately, because it seems like tensions are higher than usual for this site and everyone is struggling with not engaging. So like in the instance of him just dropping in to use the home gym like he still lives there maybe you could've approached it like "Hey I understand we're all dealing with lock down and we're all having to make concessions. But you have to remember you happened to make the decision to move out right before this all got crazy. You don't actually live here. I can be reasonable given the circumstances, and the kids want to see you, so if you want to use the gym equipment that's fine, but you can't just waltz whenever you like. You need to be asking if you can come over to use the equipment, and if that works for all of us here." I know we're not supposed to be appeasing them or whatever but I think there's a pretty broad line between appeasement and being reasonably accommodating. I won't live by the principle that you do nothing kind because they haven't been kind to you. But that's your call. I just want you to look like the rational, reasonable one so his crazy pants ridiculousness can shine bright while he's lying there alone thinking about you guys and the life he so desperately wanted to leave but can't seem to actually walk away from.
