I agree with CW and wooba, you handled that really well.
The super slow time line must be a common theme. It's happening in my sitch too.
I think of it this way... he wants you to be the villain. He wants to feel justified so he can minimize his guilt. He wants to be free of you (wants his stuff back), but doesn't actually, really, need his stuff back right now. To you, it makes no sense. To him, it makes all the sense in the world.
Or put another way... he has a certain image of who you are, his own version of the truth. And then you have your own self-image and your version of the truth. There is a verrrrrry small overlap area where those circles line up. Otherwise, they don't. And there is nothing you can do about it other then let him live in his own bubble-world where he imagines you are some different person. At times you will feel like he is trying to gaslight you. You will be aggravated by the cognitive dissonance required for him to believe you are this completely different person.
I think you will need to get used to managing the adrenaline rush you feel in these interactions, because you will probably have more of them.
I say all this because I am going through many of the same things. I don't post much about my situation anymore, but I feel like I am in bizarro land. My words are constantly twisted. I will ask for something, and it will be denied. I will not ask for something else, but my STBXW will get stirred up assuming I did ask for it.
I am not suggesting you need to take drastic action. But I think you need to drastically rethink your relationship with your H right now. You may see glimmers of the old H when your worlds overlap, but for the most part, he is off in his own reality and it does not align with yours. I think you need to focus on you 100%, accept that he's going to push your buttons, and continue to handle your interactions in a pleasant, business-like fashion (exactly how you did). When he's gone, you can vent, meditate, scream into a pillow, do yoga, go outside and run, whatever you need to do.
