Another question: If we end up going to dinner at some point, is it OK to become intimate later that night if she initiates? Can I initiate if things are going well?
Sigh........................... I am doing a poor job communicating. I apologize.
Okay, you were using the "after the last resort technique" (which is basically dropping off the planet) for two months, b/c there was some other guy in the picture, and everything you previously tried failed to change your WW's mind. Is this right, or have I confused you with someone else?
So, did something change in the sitch to cause you to come out of darkness and initiate a call to your wayward W and invite her out? If not, then you set yourself up for failure. Why would you wine, dine, talk for four hours, and have sex......if there has been no changes? That's what I'm not understanding.
Pursuing a WW is showing her that you are eager to spend time with her. Then after a wonderful night of having sex, you were very eager to repeat that experience. And, being true to her wayward nature, she wasn't on the same page with you. Has that little fact slowed you down? Apparently not.
You were eager to know what to do or say, if she contacted you to ask you to dinner. Not sure why you thought she would, but never-the-less, I gave a couple of examples and tried to explain what may happen. However, you have missed the point.....or I failed to make it clear enough.
It now appears, to me, that all you were really wanting is a short script to follow, should she call. Then I find out you are wanting to know if you get to go out with her ...... will it be okay to be intimate with her again. Am I assuming it does not matter to you that NOTHING has changed for her???? Are you willing to put your health at risk, without requiring that she is tested for STD, since she has had sex with OM?
If you want a simple bullet point Plan of Action, then scratch my last two previous posts.
1. Don't initiate contact.
2. Don't respond if she initiates contact.
3. Move forward making a life without her in it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am doing a poor job communicating. I apologize. 
