Searching for calm with shelter-in-place roommate

[Believe6]

Cardinal,
I keep saying over and over... detach detach detach. Kind Kind Kind. Peace Peace Peace. Love Love Love. Mostly this is for me. But I am trying to remind myself to be that way regardless. The only thing we can control is our own mind. We can't control anyone else. It is so very hard, I know. For those of us who still live with MLCer, we can get enmeshed with them. I can sometimes feel my H's feelings. I can almost hear his thoughts, but then I remind myself... it is mostly my assumptions and my projections. His eyes, his facial expressions, even his demeanor may seem to say something, but then I know that he assumes something about how I look too or what I say.

So I am trying to sink to that. He will think and do what he will do. If he decides to share what he things, I'll listen, validate and if appropriate kindly share my own perception or what I was really thinking. He can believe me or not.

I will not let my own mind poison me anymore. If the thought hurts, I will do what Byron Katie's the Work says... I will question my own stressful thoughts and see if there is a higher truth. It isn't easy. It [censored] to be the one to have to do it. It would be easier if they would just do what we want, but we can't control them. Nor should we want to. I don't want to be controlled or told what I actually think or actually mean.

I must work on me and only on me. Do I want peace or do I want conflict? Even in my own mind? I want peace. I need to let go of my stressful thoughts. It's the hardest thing in the world.
Blessings