I got on this forum to help me save my marriage, but I fear my WW is making decisions I will not be able to forgive/come back from. Being cut off sexually for so long only to be cheated on cuts me deep. I don't know if I'll be able to look at her again without thinking about how she has been with OM.
It is all so horrible. Nobody can tell you how to feel. In my book, your feelings would be what I call a natural response. Doesn't mean right or wrong, it just seems logical that a healthy minded man would react this way.
Frankly, I am more concerned for the betrayed H who immediately starts saying he forgives his cheating W.......before she even gives a hint of change. I mean, he is so focused on just getting her back........regardless, just get the woman back. It's all he thinks about, and he's not allowing his feelings to process naturally, IMHO. These are the LBH's who struggle with deep resentment after their WW comes back. He has her back home, the OM is out of the picture, and then......he starts reflecting and his feelings turn bitter and unforgiving, and it's these LBH's will often become a WAH.
There are many, many cases of sexually starved MR's, where the W develops a wayward mindset and eventually cheats. I think the reason she cuts off her H, is b/c her lack of respect killed the attraction, so she doesn't desire him. When she becomes involved with OM, even if they haven't physically had sex yet, it can jump-start her sexual urges. That's why in some cases the WW will suddenly become very sexually active with her unsuspecting H, especially if she can't get to OM. Disgusting, but the H is used like a tool.
Things can turn around. It is possible, as long as there is willingness and commitment on both sides.......but it's not easy. It is not simple and/or fast. I wish it were. There is so much work she has to do within her heart/mind......not to mention the healing you would need.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
