MLC newbie

[Believe6]

Journal
Had a chat with a good friend. Tried to explain about MLC and what I am trying to do. She is very opinionated and told me I should leave the article with the 6 phases of MLC for H to read so he could start getting a grip. She was adamant that he should see a therapist and why isn't he seeing a therapist.

I had to actually tell her to "stop" and "listen" and that what she was saying is counter productive to what I am trying to do to get through this time. It's almost like in CanBird's thread where she wonders who to "announce" to. I did like DnJ and told the people I thought would help me.

Now, not to say that my friend isn't on my side. She is actually up in arms about this whole thing. Apparently, a neighbor (not too close but in her area) was an MLC and shot and killed his wife, then son, daughter ran out to a neighbor. Before the cops came man shot himself. She says to watch for signs if that's my H.

So paranoid much? Yes, I think sheltering in place. The fact that she thinks she is in MLC herself... I don't know. Maybe the wrong person to have brought this up with today.

On the other side, I am really proud of how detached I am becoming. H had to do stress test for heart. He was gone almost 3 hours. I know it takes only 10 to 15 min to get to the dr. Maybe another 10 to fill out paperwork. So why gone so long? He is in good shape so getting his heartrate up took only 15 min, then the sonogram. So hmmmm....

Anyway, I find that although I had these thoughts and am tempted to find a way to check his phone for messages, etc. I am actually peaceful. I am not going to do that. I am living my life. He does seem really pleasant the last couple of days.

I will say, it's most likely because he got into college he wanted and now we are working out the finances. This is a life goal of his that he was resentful he put off for so long. I had encouraged him for years to do it,but he always had an excuse. Just like he's always had an excuse as to why he couldn't change jobs so he could be more social.... He thinks he did all that to put the family first. We would have figured it out.

But he never wanted to so now it's somehow my fault. He doesn't say that, but it's implied when he's told our MC that he's put me first for all these years. I told him I felt I was putting him and the kids first. He has some choice examples as do I, but in no way do I think either of us can claim we weren't both trying to do what's best for the entire family.

What's strange, and what I keep coming back to, is I know all MLC journeys are different. HeartsBlessing and others remind us of that. We can't judge any of them as the same. I just wonder if we aren't sure of the stage they are in, exactly what should we be doing.

Right now, I am letting go and letting God. I am acting like a good roommate and caring person. If he wants to talk, I am pleasant, interested, and curious. I don't chase him. I don't exhibit push or controlling behavior (at least not as much anymore... I don't think I am anyway). I am getting a life. Even if it's just practicing the ukelele, watching shows I like, going on forums like this, and checking on the kids.

So for now, I am ok. We will all go for a walk later as a family. My kids and our dog love that. Why not do things for the kids when you can? As long as we are both trying to be pleasant, that should be the most important thing. Peace during this shelter in place time is paramount. We all have to get through this with our minds, hearts and bodies intact, right?

Hope you are all having a blessed day!