Good chatting with you today! Sorry I had to cut it short. But MIL stopped by so I wanted to visit with her a bit. Our friendship has been affected by this separation as she and I are very close and she thinks her son is being an a$$.
I am glad that you had your meeting at the bank and that your H showed and participated. I went through a refinancing last summer right after H moved out and wasn't sure if he'd show or not. In fact, after the refi was done, I went dark on him (although that didn't work so I had to revert to going dim).
So you and I are both fishing widows this weekend. Hope they bring some home, cuz I love fish. Of course, I'd rather catch it too.
Hang in there. You are doing great!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
H left Friday from work for a fishing tournament on Saturday. Last night when I hadn’t heard from H all day nor the day before, I started getting thoughts in my head that maybe H didn’t even fish the tournament that he used it as an excuse to stay at OW’s! The thought went through my head a little Friday night, but last night for awhile it was all I could think about. He had is overnight stuff with him, he hadn’t called, he could have just decided to go to OW’s and stay there last night and then show up here this morning. It was hard shaking the feeling, but eventually I did and felt detached again. So I started to clean around the house since I hadn’t done a thing all day, it was too nice to be indoors.
I think it was a flashback and I’m wondering if anyone here has had those kind of thoughts and if so, do they eventually fade or go away at some point? I felt like I wanted to call H and call H until I got him, for the reassured purposes, but I didn't do that. It would have been a total backslide for me. H and I aren’t really working on our M right now, at least that’s the way I feel, we’re working more on building a R. I generally don't ask H where he's going or when he's going to be back at this point. At some point I hope I will be able to do and/or he will volunteer the info up front. Time will tell.
He did show up here and S went to hide, don’t ask me why, he just did. I think it’s because once in awhile when I come home H and S will hide from me. I went to the door as H was getting out of his truck and I said “how’d you do” H just had this half smile on his face and I said you did good?? As H was coming into the house he said “I didn’t go” I said what? Where were you…my mind was blank and He said “I fished” he was joking and this is like him. But it’s not a very funny joke anymore is it?
Going to greet him was an 180 for me in the past I never did. This was one of his complaints that I was never happy to see him or welcomed him back after he’d been gone fishing or hunting. So that was a positive for me and he was smiling the whole time and even told me about the tournament, who was there, H used to fish these tournaments a few years ago so knows some of the guys.
In general Sunday’s are not a good for H, don’t ask me why as I can’t figure it out, but I do recognize it at this point. H seems to be more irritable, withdrawn and does more button pushing.
Right now H and S are fishing and have to get outside to do some yardwork.
Quote: I think it was a flashback and I’m wondering if anyone here has had those kind of thoughts ... ?
All the time! It happens just an hour ago. D18 called me on the cell. Didn't know I was working tonite. Was wondering where her mom was as CAW had just called her 5 minutes ago and when D18 called back there was no answer. Called me to see if we had gone out together. When I told her I was at work, she asked, "Wonder where Mom could be?" GUESS WHAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD??!!
Cathy, I know for me, until I have some form of confirmation that the A is really over or better yet that CAW no longer has a desire to b with OM, those thoughts will probably never go away. In the meantime all we can do is wait, I suppose.
Quote: In general Sundays are not a good for H, don't ask me why as I can't figure it out, but I do recognize it at this point. H seems to be more irritable, withdrawn and does more button pushing.
Sundays were never good for my H either... I think it was the end of the weekend, looking forward (not) to another week at work. He was always in some funk... we even named it after a while... don't remember what we called it maybe just his Sunday night funk... anyway, he knew he was a grump, I knew he was a grump and we left it at that.
No, your H joking about not going is no longer funny... but I think it is some kind of way to make it seem "all better." A friend of mine (whose H is home and they are working on their R) says her H has done the same thing... but now she is somewhat able to tell him that it bugs her... the other day he caught himself and said, "that's not funny, is it?"
Anyway, maybe it is just your Hs way of not trying to hurt you, but rather, trying to make light of the whole situation... not a very mature approach, but hey, the whole thing has been kind of immature, hasn't it?
Hang in there, girlfriend... keep making him feel special. Your time will come.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I kind of figured it out, that until he can be more accountable, I'll have to let those kind of thoughts come and go right back out. Not let them take me over.
You are a saint KAW, two years...don't know if I could do that, but then again I've been in this "new life" over a year myself.
The "Sunday Night Snydrome" that's what a friend of mine calls it. She has a hard sleeping on Sunday nights. Before H went to bed he came into the bathroom and asked if I had washed is work pants and I said no to which H replied "of course not " and I'm thinking WHAT THE and shook my head. H then said oh I do have a pair nevermind. He is unbelievable some days considering I do all of his laundry. He made it sound like I didn't wash his pants on purpose, like I don't care enough about him, this was his message. Petty, minor thing that it was.
You took things to personally. Why couldn't that statement have meant that of course not you didn't wash my pants because that would just be my luck. Why did have to mean that you don't do enough? You know how some people will that is just he way my luck is running today.
Remember you are dealing with Satan who likes to put negative thoughts into your head automatically so that you will stay angry and your husband and scrutinize everything that he says and does. That you will take all of his actions and words personally.
I'm beginning to understand more and more what detachment means.
Quote: Why couldn't that statement have meant that of course not you didn't wash my pants because that would just be my luck
Good call Laurie...I never would have interpreted it that way until you just know pointed it out. You are so right I took it personally. Probably because of all the work I did do around the house this weekend and when he said I didn't wash his pants to me he was saying "I can tell you did a lot around the house this weekend, but I would never say anything to you or thank you. It's easier to find something that you didn't do than it is for me to thank you for anything you do for me" or I could be way off base. Maybe H just has a hard time finding any happiness in his life or living any happiness for too long, it's not comfortable for him.
H was up early this morning and off to work early. I think he's been having a hard time sleeping lately. Part of it is because his body aches. He was taking medication for his arthritis but it's been the major cause of his stomach problems. He hasn't taken it for a week and feels more normal, but his bones and joints ache that much more.
I do this all the time as well. I take it personally.
As you know, H went out to get dinner last night. I was in the house talking with in-laws. Apparently, H didn't take his house key and was calling me from the back yard for me to open the back door. He had about 4 bags with him and was pretty irritated when I finally heard the pounding on the back door. He was really pi$$ed. Anyway, I felt awful and apologized for not hearing. He seem to take it as if I didn't WANT to open the door for him. I realized that this was HIS perception, not mine and it was not about me. After that realization, I was able to let it go.
I also realized that these guys (as you once told me) are always going to be behind us since they dont' have the privilege of this board and all the wise folks on it guiding and helping us through our journey.
And he did slowly pull out of his negative mood into your positive one 
It happens just an hour ago. D18 called me on the cell. Didn't know I was working tonite. Was wondering where her mom was as CAW had just called her 5 minutes ago and when D18 called back there was no answer. Called me to see if we had gone out together. When I told her I was at work, she asked, "Wonder where Mom could be?" GUESS WHAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD??!! 
