H left Friday from work for a fishing tournament on Saturday. Last night when I hadn’t heard from H all day nor the day before, I started getting thoughts in my head that maybe H didn’t even fish the tournament that he used it as an excuse to stay at OW’s! The thought went through my head a little Friday night, but last night for awhile it was all I could think about. He had is overnight stuff with him, he hadn’t called, he could have just decided to go to OW’s and stay there last night and then show up here this morning. It was hard shaking the feeling, but eventually I did and felt detached again. So I started to clean around the house since I hadn’t done a thing all day, it was too nice to be indoors.
I think it was a flashback and I’m wondering if anyone here has had those kind of thoughts and if so, do they eventually fade or go away at some point? I felt like I wanted to call H and call H until I got him, for the reassured purposes, but I didn't do that. It would have been a total backslide for me. H and I aren’t really working on our M right now, at least that’s the way I feel, we’re working more on building a R. I generally don't ask H where he's going or when he's going to be back at this point. At some point I hope I will be able to do and/or he will volunteer the info up front. Time will tell.
He did show up here and S went to hide, don’t ask me why, he just did. I think it’s because once in awhile when I come home H and S will hide from me. I went to the door as H was getting out of his truck and I said “how’d you do” H just had this half smile on his face and I said you did good?? As H was coming into the house he said “I didn’t go” I said what? Where were you…my mind was blank and He said “I fished” he was joking and this is like him. But it’s not a very funny joke anymore is it?
Going to greet him was an 180 for me in the past I never did. This was one of his complaints that I was never happy to see him or welcomed him back after he’d been gone fishing or hunting. So that was a positive for me and he was smiling the whole time and even told me about the tournament, who was there, H used to fish these tournaments a few years ago so knows some of the guys.
In general Sunday’s are not a good for H, don’t ask me why as I can’t figure it out, but I do recognize it at this point. H seems to be more irritable, withdrawn and does more button pushing.
Right now H and S are fishing and have to get outside to do some yardwork.
