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[CanBird]

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[CanBird]

~j~ Yesterday marks a week since we jointly signed our D papers. Then the pandemic situation caused flight cancellations which lead 00 to stay here. And here we are. Yesterday was a good day. I was positive, listed to D3s happy playlist. It really set the tone for the day. Her & I did our thing & 00 retreated to the garage/man cave or "head quarters" as I like to call it. Seriously, things are much easier when I think of him as a spy. And he very well might be? Makes for an interesting read right?

Any way. Part of my more positive outlook is to FOCUS more on myself! LET go and LIVE my own life. In the moments, during these times, GAL is really difficilt, but the more I distance myself, the better I feel. And 00 seems to want to hangout more!? He's been emailing me things WE can do to save $ during this time. Setting me up online for healthcare? I think he might of sent me/signed me up something for life insurance. Good grief. How about having a CONVERSATION! He got grumpy because I made my own dinner & he wanted to cook. It's like because he's still here he wants to take care of us. The GUILT is still driving him to set us up to be okay before he leaves again. But, if we wete still married, he'd do most of this stuff.

Back to being positive. I've had to self talk & STOP caring about 00 & his phone. He is constantly on it. Rading, texting... I don't care. Great he's informed & shares with me. I've stopped checking when he's online with ow/gf at certain times. IT DOES'NT MATTER!! At least he sneaks out and goes "head quarters" to speak with the other "agents". I have to keep my sense of humor in all of this; it's what gets me by.

Well, today is another day. Not sure what's us girls are up to. Apparently I don't have enough laundry soap to survive "this". 00 tore me a new one over the things I over looked. He then said he forgot to buy cheese & I pretended to rip him a new one.

Hope everyone is doing okay during this crazy time. Remember, we are all facing challenges at this time. We will all be okay. We CAN and will survive.

(((( Safe Distance ))))))

[cardinal]

I love your safe distance hugs, Can! How strange to be stuck with 00 after papers in these circumstances. Lots of strange things right now in the world, I suppose. I’m trying to up my positive self talk. You are an inspiration! Truth is, even if it feels like I could be doing better, I am surviving, and I am meeting challenges with as much grace as I can muster. You too.

[CanBird]

Where is my signature?

[kml]

You know the recommended amounts of things like laundry detergent, shampoo, dishwasher soap etc are actually ore than you really need - you can easily reduce the amount by 1/2 or 2/3 per use and get the same results.

[CanBird]

You know the recommended amounts of things like laundry detergent, shampoo, dishwasher soap etc are actually ore than you really need - you can easily reduce the amount by 1/2 or 2/3 per use and get the same results.

I'll pass that on to 00..lol...

[CanBird]

~j~ Day 8: Morning Time. A sleepless night. Yesterday we had a great morning. I ignored 00, D3 & did our thing, he buzzed around us for awhile. And then he's back to social distancing. Whatever. I get it.

In the late afternoon, I was hoping to complete chores. I asked if he'd help.."ya ya..." We have different parenting skills. I TRY and let it slide.. Dont say anything. Then my anger builds. I get frustrated; it seems he's always more intetested in his phone than D3. I know this isn't true, but all she wants is our attention during this time & she deserves it. She's a kid. I swear he just doesnt understand/have any patience for it. (Probably part of why he left us). While he's here, regardless of our status, I'd appreciate some coparenting to happening.

I am I wrong? I'm ignoring him, treating him like a roommate for the most part, but under these lockdown conditions, my patience gets thin at times. He gladly steps in to be daddy at bedtime for 1 hour to read or whatever, but that's it? COME ON! Is he distancing himself from D3 to make it easier when he leaves? I don't know.

Thoughts?

Ps-I found my signature. Just had to rotate my phone..lol..

[OwnIt]

Can,

Sadly yes, they do distance from the kids and sometimes demonize them as well. Shortly before he left, mine talked about how privileged and entitled my children are. Remember the reverse distancing (works the opposite in reconnection). They distance from the spouse, from the kids, from the pets, from the house. Then they disappear. Poof, gone. Then when they try to reconnect, everything is in reverse. It has been interesting watching mine do the reverse part. He gets to a certain place then runs off again and has to start all over. But the times in between are shorter and they move faster through the parts they've already done.

Yes, let him have his phone and his garage time. Remember that Job likes to remind us that for the first 6 months after the divorce everything is wonderful. They are living that shiny life we kept them from and then it all starts to become a little less shiny. And, well, you know where it goes from there. Just read my thread or Grace's. But hers is probably a lot more normal in terms of experience.

Snipe at him if you want, it won't make a difference. He has a long, long way to go. Do right for what feels right for you as a person with no regard to any effect it has on him. Be who you want to be for you and the example you want to set for your child.

Remember, you can't force people to parent or co-parent. They step up or they don't, and these guys generally don't step up. You are the stable one. The one she needs.

Enjoy that sweet girl, take the time he discards, those lovely times are over quickly. The preteen and teen years are far less enjoyable.

[peacetoday]

I agree with Own

Many Mlcers do eventually disappear
I think at the start they are patient and available to the kids especially once BD

but then, well I think they get hung up in their new life..and at the same time they are trying to run from the pain

they still feel and caused and the Crises pulls them out away from everyone

Us kids their family friends
The kids also remind them of a responsibility they no longer want

usually I think they want to start the fantasy life
and he cant..

I would be mad also,, Its hard to live with and pretend all is ok when he has torn the family apart ect

take care of you..ask for help if you want then go about your day
eventually he will leave but with all thats happening now..who knows when

you may have to dig for patience and take some extra self care time
and a few minutes here and there, you can ask for his help with D so you can take care of you

[Believe6]

CanBird,
Sorry you are going through this. I don't have much to add. I took a walk today and it was lovely to be out. But where i live it was finally sunny out with some minor clouds. Don't know if you can at least do that? Sending you peaceful thoughts.