Thank you guys for the responses. I'm so messed up right not that I almost don't want to work on myself because she will benefit from it. I tried to picture holding W in my arms or saying loving things to each other and I got disgusted. My W disgusts me.
Today she rolled her eyes at me like a teenager when I was trying a new method to stop ome of S1s tantrums. Blatant disrespect. Not only that but does one realize how they are perceived when they roll their eyes?
What do I do to build respect? U is right that there is still none. Even if we D, we need respect. Ive kicked her out of the mbr, told her she can leave or file any time she desires, put boundaries down. Im enforcing my last boundary and am only communicating kid logistics since the eyeroll.
Ovr, what book is that chapter from? The book in cadets links? I feel like i cant get much more distant from W as it is already. I think we are both distancing.
Im defeated, exhausted, hopeless and lack the will to stay in this marriage. I'm ashamed that we are here. I pictured signing the divorce papers and got so happy yesterday. This was all preventable with a little communication and self improvements. I'd rather live alone and miss half the kids childhoods than live with this version of W. If I file, I'll never know if its the right or wrong choice. All the other sitches similar to mine that ended in a happy reconcile seemed to resolve quicker than mine.
I also see Sandi mentioning that in home separations never work. What do I do if W wont leave?...I can't leave the house or its abandonment of the kids. This is indeed soul sucking. OM may be gone but so if any version of W that I can stand.
Last edited by Core; 03/26/2002:16 PM.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
