I think you may be projecting on the motorcycle. You are deep down afraid of him riding it with OW on it. In your mind as long as it is there, then he isn't "sharing" it with her. KC, that is a form of trying to control him, it, and the affair. You cannot.
Dropping the rope means letting him and all of his things go. Not caring what he is doing and who he is doing it with. Look, it is ok to struggle with this stuff. We all do. What you shouldn't do is be so focused on him and his stuff that you don't see light at the end of the emotional spiral tunnel. Keep advancing towards that light. Believe it or not one day you will emerge from that tunnel and even if he came begging back you'd tell him to kick rocks. That is your goal.
You've been doing better, but you still have a hold tight on that rope and on wanting to R with this lying cheater. I think deep down there is a part of you that is still in denial about his lying and cheating.
Repeat: He is a lying cheater. And doesn't deserve me!
You should be saying that to yourself over and over and over again. Until you believe it.
Thank you.
Trust me. I know he is a lying cheater. I was nauseous most of the afternoon digesting his actions and how there is no remorse for what he is doing.
I sit on his words - acknowledging that I was probably right that he should not have given up. And, I say to myself that those are just words trying to appease me.
I had so many plans for that bike and my H this summer. They were all in my head and if I had just shared them he would have known I still had interest in him.
I know its stuff. What he does with his stuff is his business. I cannot control that.
As much as I wanted to be strong and kick him out and be the tough girl. I'm still dealing with a horrible loss and sadly still wearing my heart on my sleeve. AND, he knows it... crap!!!!
I am NOT doing myself any favors. I'm just making it worse. The text exchanges continue and I've lost all my power again... he is holding the upper hand over me.
I will get through this... I will get through this..
