MLC newbie

[DnJ]

Hello B6

I’m happy to hear you so positive about the interview. Fingers crossed over here. Wishing you good luck!

Sorry for straying here:

DnJ hasn't had a reconciliation (yet)...

Thanks Own. Very kind words. (yet) - amazing how much such a little word can say.

B6, your assessment of H’s probable emotional state regarding his father’s death and his 20 year career does seem a likely candidate for his current path. Everyone looks back upon their life’s work and is either proud of their accomplishments or regret the time they feel they’ve wasted.

Your H needs time and space to reconcile his feelings and his life. Time to see that he put family first which necessitated some career limiting choices. Unfortunately, it does sound likely that he has some latent issue with his Dad, and he isn’t going to get to hash it out with the man. H is going to have to work through whatever it is on his own. That is going to take time.

I like your passion of digging in to that inner work. Take it slow and do it well. Get the complete view, the inventory of yourself, before making a bunch of changes. Chances are, and we all do it, you are seeing more of the negatives than the positives right now. And by the way, we all change as we get older. A woman of fifty isn’t going to be the same as she was when she was 30; and she shouldn’t be.

We all look back at our life’s accomplishments and regrets, mull them over, and rejoice or suffer into our golden years. Remember, we LBS are fortunate in this incredible opportunity. We have the gift of time. We get a preview of our life’s choices and can use our time wisely.

So now I start to work on each and everything that I need want to change.

Want to change, instead of need to change.

Need implies outside influence.

Want is from you. Want is something you “want”, you desire. It has a much greater probability of success. Actually, if you want it, you will make it happen.

Your mind is always listening. The words you use, accumulate within and have a significant affect upon your mental and emotional state.

For example can, can’t, will, won’t. A lot of times we say - I can’t do it. When we really mean - I won’t do it. Can’t means impossible and your mind will make it so. Won’t - it’s accurate and leaves you room to change your mind. There are very few things that “can’t” applies to. DnJ can’t get pregnant, is one of those valid ones.

Can and will are strong positives. Do and try are another pair I like to speak about. I will do this. Vs. I will try. Try predisposed us to fail. We, at the very utterance of “try” have already made failure a valid and real option or outcome. Of course we do fail even with the best intentions and using cans and dos, and that’s fine. I just find that “trying” leads to more unsuccessful outcomes than doing. Mental assertiveness, do it.

And yeah, we do tend to put ourselves lower on our list than we should. Most parents put their children first, then their spouse, family, etc. we show up somewhere in the list but it is hard to find us. No wonder when something like MLC, divorce, or just growing older and kids leaving we suddenly find ourselves sitting across from someone we don’t know.

In my opinion, God is first, then us, spouse, kids, parents, siblings, family/friends, and so on... gets more and more blurry the further we go down the list. This of course doesn’t mean you always get your way; it is more emotional importance. And yeah there will be times we put ourselves last for the good of our kids, but just think how many times we did that during our marriages - continually put others first. Oh well, lesson learnt I suppose. Using that gift of time.

Have a great day.

And go outside a little. Get some sun. You are allowed in your yard.

Will talk soon.

DnJ